No, he's had depression all his life. His Mum had it for 10 years until he was 8 and his Dad then had it for 20+ years. He has been 'melancholy' as we used to call it, all his adult life. Only I really knew the true extent of that depression, but its got worse since summer 07, but he has finally been more open about it to friends since. He's not having a grand time at all! He's utterly miserable, his friends tell me he is 'deeply unhappy' that he is 'screwed up'. Its genuine, you can see it in his (dead, tormented) eyes. I know whats really bothering him and I feel huge compassion for him because of it, but what can I do? I am the ONLY one who knows and I cant even post here about it. He shut down really after I found out, he has deep shame and self-loathing. Its really sad, but as my C said, what could you do? you were his gf, not his therapist.
It makes him sound a PITA, but he isnt, he's funny and sweet and besides, adept at 'mask wearing'. He cant wear the mask to me though, which is why I think if he saw me, he would just cry.
We own other houses jointly and theres never been any mention of selling. The flat was always 'my' project, the mortgage was only in his name becuase I was a student, he's had no involvement.
Your idea is a good one and my RL peeps agree..but I could only try it if I saw him in person. I cant do it by email, or phone. He did sound very depressed yesterday, but I did wonder if he was trying to see where I was at, by asking if I was alright. I feel fairly certain though that he must know I want him back and would want to try again? I'm sure his BMF told him, so I dont think its unknown to him! And he knows I am still single and live 1/2 hour away and could come see me anytime. Seems he wont though, because of her.
I cant imagine being 'extricated' yet, as we still get on so well and there is no closure between us. We've been the best of friends since we met in Jan 1996 and I cant imagine him not being in my life! I wonder if he feels the same? But I dont know what I can realistically do, as he is still with her, its like there is a massive wall between us (not from me) and I dont know what I can do unless he leaves her.. I dont know how to fight for him! The last twice I saw him I told him I missed him and he told me he missed me too, so we've covered that one! My feeling is he KNOWS I want him back, but would it be worth just coming out and saying that?
