Is This A Reconnection After 5 Years and a D?

[jaybee]

Hi GG

And how lovely to see posts from amysideas and Karen 58 too! My love to both of you. Life has changed a lot for me since I was a regular poster but I will never forget the lifesaving support I got here for a long time.

Anyway, to the matters in hand. Having read what amy and Karen have written, I don't have anything much to add to their wisdom, but here goes anyway:

My dearest GG:

Having read your thread(s), I see that you are having a hard time too. I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother and your Dad. My Dad is fading fast too, which I kind of expected to happen once Mum passed away. To make it worse, I am unhappy about the care he is receiving, but I am working on it.

It is so hard, as you know only too well, but just has to be got through, one step at a time. You know where you can find me whenever you need me. Just wish the big pond was not in the way, and we could meet up.

My fiance has been an absolute star this last 6 months (since Mum had the severe stroke) which has been a pretty good test of the relationship. We are now thinking of bringing the wedding (originally going to be this coming October) forward. I just do not know what I would have done without his steadfast support, and cannot imagine being without him now. So I was very lucky to find him not too long before my parents went into such decline. And I am so glad we had almost a year together before all this, and had some fun first.


Well. Those are interesting developments re Ron indeed. I have mulled it over for a couple of days, and here is what I think:

He does think he may have made the biggest mistake of his life to a degree, but on the other hand, he seems to be far from having made his mind up to work towards a reconciliation. Pride? Still indecisive? Too much work? Still in the tunnel? Who knows? Sounds like he still works hard to convince himself of the flaws in your relationship, and is not ready to face the fact that all relationships require work from both sides.

I did wonder whether the comment about being ready to date may have been repeated because he felt a bit shocked that you did feel ready to. Because I think at some, perhaps unconscious, level, they do think we will still be waiting for them at the end of the MLC road.

It interested me that the girlfriend was away. After I tailed off my MLC ex’s frequent phone calls in 2006, he once rang me twice in a week (but I was out each time). I later learned that this coincided with him finishing with his girlfriend temporarily when she asked for more of his time.

Your ex does not sound too keen on his current g/f but then that was how my ex was about his, for over 3 years. I do know he was considering ending their r again 2 years ago. But over time, I think he has become more committed and there are now some sort of plans for her to move in with him. I know this from his younger son, and from Facebook. Good source of info that!

So I think you should not do anything. When he asked to meet up, you did so on the same day he rang. So he knows you are happy to see him.

He also now knows you have not found anyone worth settling down with. That will be food for thought for him but maybe also a little scary as he still seems so unresolved.

I tend to the school of thought which says be vague, play it positive, upbeat but cool, make them wait, etc, as I do think MLCers, like a lot of people, want more of what they are not sure they can get. But I know many people favour a more direct approach. I think I am a little too proud for that, so it may be better to take no notice of me in this regard!

So I agree that you should sit tight. He has come out of the hole if only temporarily at this point. That is validating in itself. Keep on giving him the space to mull everything over. And carry on living your own life, which I know you do anyway.



And I hope you have some good support around you at this very difficult time; my love and thoughts are with you, as always.

Much love

Jaybee xxxx