"I don't wanna spend my life jaded, waiting...

[WCW]

It's kinda like a ghost town around here anymore, did you notice the tumbleweeds blow across your screen? Fit the clique, or not!

You know where you screwed up, you know where you did okay. So fix the screwups.

And, again I say, do some networking and find things to do that does not include H, his family, his friends. Create YOUR life.

When you pursue your H anyway, choose your words carefully. Presentation makes a huge difference in perception.

[theotherhalf]

I noticed, alot of the people that were here when I first started are no longer on. How's it going with you WCW? I've been reading your thread some. Wishing you all the best. Have you heard from MWG? It doesn't look like she is on anymore either. I hope that all is well with her.

And again, I know it's a good idea, but there REALLY is not much to do around here. Things that I would like to do anyway. This month things are pretty busy with work. Meetings and events evenings and weekends. So looking forward to that stuff to fill some of my time. Really looking forward to warmer weather. Maybe I can get out of this slum. And it will bring more stuff to do.

Thanks for checking in. Take care.

[WCW]

Have you noticed a lot of references on this board to FB? there is bunches of people that connected on there. MWG is there if you can figure it all out. The initials stand for face book.

As for me, sometimes I feel like a stagnant river covered in green slime because nothing ever moves. Other times I feel just right with the slow movement from H. Then there is the times I feel like it's time to turn the heat up and get a good rolling boil going. Bet ya couldn't tell that from reading my thread.

Nothing to do? come on! I live in a corn field too! don't tell me there is nothing you can do! Does your local 4H group have a leader for their painting project? or is it easier to sit home and say there is nothing to do? Want a horse or two or three or four? that will keep you busy. I'll deliver, no charge.

[theotherhalf]

No horses! No thanks. I love them, don't get me wrong. They are beautiful animals and we have had our share. (H grew up with them) But I am petrified of them. I used to ride when I was younger, then got out of it. The fear set in and now I'm stuck. I envy those that are not afraid at all.

WCW, really, I'm being honest here. Anything that I would WANT to do, takes money or a friend to go along, right now I am running pretty short on both. Like I said, I know that once the weather warms there will be more opportunities but for now not much. Oh and did the 4H and girl scout thing. Did it, enjoyed it, not for me now. Trust me I have racked my brain. This really is a community for old people and people that drink. Otherwise there is not much to do. I am middled aged stuck in a Old/young community.

[theotherhalf]

Once again I "expected" H to not be around this week after last weekend. And once again, wrong. He came Tues am after work for nothing but to visit. And again on Thurs.

I had a meeting Thur night after work, didn't get home till late. That helps, wish there were more of those. Tonight I went out for supper with a girl from work. Sad for her but lucky for me, her BF of 9yrs just left her for OW. So we are both in the same boat. This is the second time for her. She was M for 20yrs and her H had MLC and D her. Now this. I so feel her pain. I think we are doing each other some good.

Other than that, everything else still much the same. Chomping at the bit for warmer weather. Looking forward to a night out again tomorrow night with my boss and his wife. Next Saturday and big night out with co-workers and associates at the nearby casino.

take care all, hope all is well...

[Creed]

HoChunk Casino?

Hope you have lots of fun, and get 'lucky'...at the Casino I mean. LOL

Glad to hear that you're getting out and not focusing on your situation as much when you're around others. I'm sorry to hear about your coworker...you can help her by showing her the strength you've gained through all of this. Just remember not to make your get-togethers all about heartaches caused by others. Don't get into badmouthing your H. Zip the lip. I'm sure she needs a shoulder to lean on and a good listener. My heart goes out to her.

Too much heartbreak going around these days....sigh.

[theotherhalf]

Too many people taking the easy route. It's too easy for people now days to blame others for their problems. Instead of doing the work to figure out what "really" is wrong and then working to fix it.

[theotherhalf]

He's driving me CRAZY!!! What's with this calling me on the weekends? He goes most of the week without anything out of him. Then the weekends he's calling. I have been leaving him alone the best I can. Still contact from me because of farm issues and the bank but other than that I've been not calling him. No R talks. He pretty much seems gone for good. I have no idea what is going on between OW and him. But for the last 3-4 weeks he's called Friday or Saturday or both when he gets home from wherever he drank that night. Each time he hints around about me coming to his place. Or a couple times he asked in TM. Each time I've said no. I WANT to. I REALLY want to. But I know that it's not enough for me anymore. I know that if I do it won't change anything. I know that it's just a booty call and I am so better than that. So I don't But it is SOOO hard to say no. I'm almost afraid of myself. That I will give. I miss him. If he'd ask sober I am pretty sure I'd cave. Luckily that hasn't happened.

Damb this is soo hard! I wish sometimes he'd either file or my prince would fall from the sky and take me away...

[naej]

TOH, I am sorry he is messing with you but please keep up your resolve.
You are worth so much more than this.
Can't you see it isn't you he wants it is just sex.
Let him pay for the service. He even wants a house call and that costs more.
Is that who you want to be, no. Remember that each time he calls.
Take care.

ps, if he is that drunk there is every chance it wouldn't be wrth the trip over anyway, just don't answer his calls. Turn your phone off at night.

[theotherhalf]

Can't you see it isn't you he wants it is just sex.

naej, I do see, and have almost said this to him a couple times. But I am trying to not tell him how he feels/thinks.

While I was talking to him his BIL came and was drunk too. I heard the word #&%% (nearby town where OW lives) and H said I'll talk to later ok. I figured he'd call back but he didn't. So I don't know how his evening ended up. Don't care. I went to bed.

Again, not answering the phone when he calls is a tough one for me. I really get ticked when he won't answer my calls so I feel I have to answer his.

Problem for me is that I read too much into EVERYTHING. He's got me "wondering". Is he calling me because him and OW are not talking/seeing each other? Is he calling me because he is missing me and when he is drunk he cannot hold his composure? Is he calling me because he is seeing if I am home and it's clear for him to be with OW? Is he calling OW too? Is it bugging him that I am resisting?