The very most difficult times in this for me are the weekends when she could be spending time with OM. I experience the worst kind of anxiety and worry that even though I love her and would forgive my wife for hurting me in the past, I don't know if I can forgive her for continuing to do so.
So sorry you're dealing with this pain...I'm glad you are seeing some hope in your sitch, and that you are really working hard on you. I know this time when you are alone with your worries is excruciatingly difficult.
I don't know what you are doing anger-management-wise, but do you have a strategy to talk yourself down and out of the anxiety, to self-soothe those worries?
Sounds silly, but one of the things that helped me get through was coming up with phrases/affirmations regarding *my* choices, what *I* wanted, who I wanted to be, and chanting them over and over in my head...and when I still couldn't push the worries out, I'd yell them out loud at the top of my lungs. Similar to the DB idea of 'thought-stopping', more like a replacement process.
