WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

About 20 minutes later she came down from her shower and poked her head out to tell me she was just going to sit inside since her stomach was bothering her

I wound up coming inside as well since it started getting cold

We watched various TV shows till 10PM when she said she was going to bed. I gave her a hug and kiss on the check good nite. I thought I made it through the nite but boy was I wrong

She came back down about 30 minutes later. She said she was mad/frustrated that we hadn't talked about custody. I told her I was playing catch up as she has been dealing/processing this a lot longer than I have. I'm still trying to get all my thoughts around it. She kept pressing me so I asked her for her thoughts. She shared her 50/50 idea that I did not like but I just said that I would have to think about it

She blew up at that saying she felt like I was disrespecting her and not listening by trying to drag this thing out. She said she was going to stop being nice and stop going to counseling as she felt I was trying to take advantage of her.

I tried to empathize but she kept escalating her anger. I told her that I am listening and hear everything that she has said. She tried to jump in to continue to escalate by pushing selling the house but I asked her to let me finish. I then told her that I just don't agree with what she is saying. She got madder

I remained calm and I shifted into my business negotiations mode. I went into the I believe in the marriage and that the relationship can work. I said I understand she doesn't right now. I also said that I believe staying married will offer the best life for the kids but I know she wants the divorce. However, what we both need to do is come up what will offer the best life for the kids that we can both live with. She calmed somewhat and agreed that is the goal.

So I asked her what could be some options. She thought about it and offered another idea that I didn't like either
She the pressed me for my idea. I reminded her that I still believe in the marriage and believe it can work. I do love her but because I love her I won't stop her from leaving. So I offered up my idea (her and I move back and forth, and the kids stay put - nesting) as stability for kids is important. She agreed stability is important but she said she will not share a space with me

We looked at each other for a while when she tried to escalate again. She said if she left tomorrow she is sure I would come up with an answer. I wanted to say that she wouldn't have the kids at all then but I didn't. She said that I wasn't working with her. She brought up the selling the house again

I told we need to focus on the kids as that needs to be the first priority. Then I asked her what was she expecting for me to do. She offered ideas, I offered ideas and neither one of us could agree. So the next logical step seemed to be to think of other ideas.

She then went off on how if we don't agree, a judge will ultimately decide and she didn't think that's a good idea. I told her I agree as who better than the 2 of us knows what's best for us and the kids

I then told her how in the past I had said she made me happy but now I understand I was wrong. She didn't make me happy. She was shocked/taken back about that at first. I let it sink in for a few seconds. I then told her only I can make myself happy. She made me feel loved and no matter what we do we need to make sure the kids still feel loved. She agreed

I still believe the marriage relationship can work. She jumped in saying it won't because she is refusing to work on that. It wasn't what she wanted. I told her I know that but I still believe it can if she did work on it with me. She said she didn't want that because of the negative feelings she has. I then went into how we will always have a relationship because of the kids. We need to work on getting past the negativity so it doesn't affect that relationship

She didn't agree as she felt this way for sometime and feels we were functioning as a family well. I said I'm not too sure about that (I wish I had a better response - any suggestions?)

We had several minutes of silence then said something about nesting while we were waiting for the house to be sold. I said that was something to think about

It was late so I suggested we go to bed (that's what she used to do to me when I wanted to talk about things)

Feels like things are getting worse from a perspective of saving the marriage. I'm not upset or hurt though. I'm just disappointed and feel sad for my kids

I will see my kids tomorrow though so that should be a good day