Most Difficult Time of My Life

[Kokopelli]

Well, she came home a few hours ago and I was still here, I couldn't sneak away before she arrived. I acted as if I didn't hear her come in and was folding laundry in "my room." She made the effort to come over and say hi to me, and go into how her day at work went. It was a pleasant conversation, but the whole time I have this secret burning inside of me that I want to confront her about. I began to think how in the world she could stand there talking and looking at me, knowing what she has been doing, and not feel an ounce of guilt. This is not the woman I married. It was scary to me actually, to know somethings that she doesn't know I know. I am analyzing her behavior now.

I began to leave the house and she asked if I wanted to stay for tacos that she was making. I got lured in and said okay. We sat and ate together, and of course she started in on splitting things up. Asking if I have called the cellphone co to divide the account up. I actually used Puppy's line of how I'm going to be okay, but I am NOT okay with how things are going between us and her not willing to work on our marriage. She said she's been working on our marriage for too long and she's done. Then she asked when I am moving out to which I replied, when the divorce is final. She stated that as far as she is concerned we are divorced, it's just not on paper.

How friggin hurtful!? Who the hell is this woman? I was actually feeling better about myself until I got drawn into this convo. It ruined my night. I tried to go to a BBQ and enjoy myself, but I was feeling really down and I've been SO tired lately. I fell asleep at the movies last night (by myself), and fell asleep at the BBQ tonight. Not cool. It was hard for me to be around all our mutual friends without her. Especially because the ones who don't know kept asking where she was and when she was coming. One of her co-workers noticed that I was not wearing my wedding ring. What a crappy night. I still might try to sneak away to another friends house, I kind of want to relax here though. The W is here, no words exchanged between us. She closed her bedroom door when I came in. I'm just drained...