I guess I have to say that I don't really feel better. I really thought that A would have missed me by now. I really thought that M was on my side, but she sabotaged everything. I believed her. Maybe she found out that I visited A. I don't know.
I think that something happened. He was calling me at least every three weeks. What happened? Is he that busy? My mother even said that she thought he would be missing me and wanting to be with me by now, also.
This isn't working.
It's been a year since he first called me, and there really hasn't been too much movement. I just have to stop kidding myself. I have shown him over and over again, but that isn't good enough. I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I have worked on myself. I have taken it slow. I 'have' made mistakes along the way ... which I regret ... but this feeling of always missing him is too much for me.
I have no one who can help me connect with him. The one I thought would help me only wanted him for herself. She was always jealous of me. I never had anyone on my side from the first day that he left. When he left, I only had M. My whole family of friends left me, too. Not only did my husband leave me, but so did everyone of my friends. And it turned out that M used me to get A back and stabbed me in the back.
There are no more 'maybes' for me. There aren't anymore dbing ideas that will work for me. I don't even think God is there for me anymore.
