{{{SLH}}} Sorry to cut into your thread MR L. Don't know how to find her. (maybe we could consider this a group session LOL)
Take some deep breaths, blow your nose, and breathe further. Mr L gave you some great insight in H's thinking and behavior.
I would add that when men don't know how to solve a problem they bail until they find a solution. Nothing they say means anymore than that they feel stuck = failure. So, giving space is one way to allow him the time to sort it out because if he can't figure out a solution - nothing changes - and you can't give him the solution - it doesn't work that way. If you do - he will change for a day or two and do back to where he was before - classic complaint on this site.
I hear you feeling the loss and disconnection with him for today. Moving forward should be in the direction of reconnecting. That is what is "bolstering" your strength since motherhood not undermining it.
If you would like some suggestions I will give them here but only take what you want: 1) when H is upset don't offer to leave - ask if there's anything you can do. He isn't thinking -if you offer a negative solution he will take it - if you offer to a positive such as listening you will get a positive response like ok or not now thank you. 2)do not be devastated over his problems - he made it clear that they were his not yours - let him solve his own problems while you can relax and take care of yourself.
I know that you are sensitive and vulnerable at this stage. Doing a 180, like seeing his anger and either letting him deal with it himself or offering to help without taking it personally might help you. I know things sounded great - connecting - but when there's a disconnect - focus on ways to reconnect when possible. That means - offer to be there but if he doesn't want that - don't be offended - just wait and take care of yourself until he is ready.
Any questions? Did I get things right or miss something? Wish I could give you a hug - here's a cyber one - {{{HUGS}}}}
