Hi SarahG, Nice to "meet" you. This is what I just wrote to Kassie. Any input would help. I would actually love it. And yes, I would love to get to a point where he and I both want to reconcile and really work on it together. Today for the first time in a while, I really feel like this could be done.
Spent a good portion of day crying. Since Thursday things had been WONDERFUL. I had been back at home with him and it was as if he wanted to reconcile but just had not said the words. He left this morning for golf. Gave me a huge kiss and hug good bye. He came back around 12:30 and was weird. I asked what was wrong and should I leave, do you need some space, thinking, alright, we're getting to the backlash. And he said yeah, why don't you go back to where you've been staying..... I was devestated. I tried to remember all of my DB knowledge and skills and did ok, but he was so "I just need to get my head straight, and I don't need this now." I told him he was the one who came home with weird all around him and he said Yeah, I know this one is on me. I asked him What do you want me to do later? Do you want us here? He said Do what you want, but I am not going to think about this now, I am just going to go hang out with some work friends and what some basketball later. He even said "We're not getting back together" in this conversation. I've been trying to tell myself all day "Don't believe anything they say and less than 50% of what they do." But today has been very very hard. I feel like I can't breathe and I'm drowning. I really feel like I may just need to move forward with this and end it. I used to be so much stronger of a woman before my S was born. Before my S, I would have kicked him to the curb after a couple of weeks of this. I would have walked. But now, motherhood has really really changed me. I thought motherhood would make me stronger. Crap.
