I can relate. My H lives in the basement and comes to me every couple of days wanting sex. He is having an emotional affair right now. His perspective is so skewed though, he does not see it, as he is not having sex with her. Might as well be...he calls her from our house phone every time I leave the house. I live on a constant roller coaster ride...one day he is in, one day out.
My husband is only 30, but age doesn't really matter with MLC. I have been doing a ton of research and just started reading "How to Survive your Husband's Midlife Crisis". Lots of good info in there.
Bottom line is that if it is MLC there is nothing you can do until he wants to get help. H will blame you for everything but until he gets out on their own and realizes that you are not the source of his misery. He may never get it. With MLC, they won't hear it until they fall flat on their face.
I am in the same boat as you. I have been doing the marriage coaching, seeing a counsellor, praying....You name it, I am doing it. The bottom line is that I can't give up living my life just because he has.
All I can suggest is that you GAL. Stop doing anything for him! Be courteous, but don't go out of your way. If he comes to you for sex, decide whether or not if it is right for you. If you feel like it, then do it. If you don't, don't. Men can say that it is just sex, but it does help keep them emotionally connected to you. Only you can decide if it is right.
Only you can stop beating up on yourself..I am still learning that. Every day is a struggle, but take care of yourself and know that other people here know what you are going through and are here to talk if you need. Get it all out...
Good luck to you!
Me 38 H 30 Together 11 years Married 7 months Bomb October 13/08 OW - emotional affair since October H still lives at home in basement
