First post... looking for advice and where I'm at.

[Still Waters]

We have a somewhat similar sitch, sweet.

My WAW started having an affair about one month before dropping the bomb. We agreed to a "trial" separation of 2 months so she could "get some space" and "find herself." Yeah right. Find herself in another man's arms is more like it!

Your W will most likely avoid you like the plague over the next few weeks. She's probably full of guilt and shame about the A, and yet at the same time she probably feels like she can't give up this new found love. Too wacked out on love chemicals. She'll want to stay away from you, because seeing and talking to you reminds her of what she's done (is doing.) Deep down, she knows that what she's doing is so wrong. But the selfish side of her feels entitled to "doing what's best for her."

My W also has self-image issues, even though she's beautiful. She needs constant attention and verbal reinforcement that she's beautiful and talented. Of course she started having an A during a time when I was working my butt off and wasn't around enough to give her the attention she wanted. So she sought it out in OM.

Your W's family won't be of much help and you will find that you're very much alone in this battle. But that's OK. It'll be brutal, but you have the strength to survive this.

I would expose to OM's wife, set your boundaries with your W, and then detach, go pitch black dark, and work on yourself.

The main thing to realize is that your W has a LONG way to go to work through this mess. That's IF she works through it. A lot of WAS's just run, run, run from their problems and never look back, carrying their issues into their subsequent relationships.

You can't control your W's actions or feelings. All you can do is take care of yourself. Save yourself, build yourself into a GREAT man. And IF your W eventually comes back to you, you'll be ready to do the hard work it will take to reconcile. That is if you still want your W back at that point. Because it could take 6 months, a year, or even 2 years or more for her to realize that she made a terrible mistake by having an A and ripping apart your family.

As for your W saying that it shouldn't matter because you're separated and she served you, that's bs. The affair started BEFORE you separated. And even so, legally you're still married.
And from what you told me, there is no way they're "just friends."