First post... looking for advice and where I'm at.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Apparently, she won't be in the same room with them when he calls, she goes out in the hallway and talks for an hour or so. The kids don't like going to her place because it's so small and she ignores them for the phone and computer.

This is SCRIPT. And so sad.

[sweet-1]

Okay, so I drive to the next town today to deliver a computer to be repaired, after she should have been at work (wanted to avoid her). But along the side of the road i see her ford explorer and his truck parked, her driver's door is open, he's leaning in over her face and appears to be passionately kissing her. They didn't see me, but I stopped a little ways down to get my digicam out. By the time I got it out he was back in his truck driving away (N), and she drives away (S). So I phoned her and we chatted for a minute before I asked waht she was doing "just driving to work" It's almost noon, usually starts at 09:00. I asked how Trevor was, "don't know haven't talked to him lately" That's when I mentioned what I had saw. She got quiet, mumbled a bit etc, then said they were just friends and he was just saying goodbye. He's married, but W lives in another province looking after a resort they own, he's here in Alberta working for extra income in the winter. My wife landed last night at 20:00 from a 2-day conference (he wasn't there, it's legit and I'm really proud of her going to these..or was), so I asked what do you mean saying goodbye? Does he often drive 1 hour to see someone the first day home to say goodbye? She didn't answer, so I told her i know about the hotel rooms in remote towns where he works (his company pays for rooms, but yet he's paying cash for these nights), she said she went there to see him because he was working there (3 hrs away, ditched work, stayed overnight, then till 11 next night). She doesn't figure it should matter to me because we're separated and she served me with papers on Feb 18. Yet I can prove this was going on in Nov, besides, he's married as well. Her family are staying out of it, except her father who is siding with her "she has to do what's right by her". i hope he realizes he's just enabling, and that a relationship started in infidelity probably won't last lone. He's 40, so is my wife, they went to high school together but hadn't seen each other since grad, he has no kids, owns a $2.2M resort in British Columbia (for sale), lives the bachelor lifestyle etc. My wife is 40, we have 2 kids, she has some self-image issues etc, I hope this is worth what it's doing to us.

I tried to contact his wife today but no answer or message.

On one hand I'm relieved that I witnessed it with my eyes, but on the other it's awful final. But I still find myself wanting to fix this, because the old woman was so beautiful and full of life.

Side note, her boss commented today, that the only time he's seen her act like this was 13 years ago when we first started going out (giddy, childish etc). it seems kinda true but this seems more selfish where as that was free spirited.

I've said my piece to her, but I doubt she will talk to me anytime soon. That's been the usual pattern, just ignore me and avoid all conversations etc.

If on the odd chance they are "just friends" which she will have o prove beyond doubt, I may have some apologizing to do. But if I'm wrong, I will do it for sure.

L

[sweet-1]

And after all that, I was so worked up, I didn't take my computer in!

[Still Waters]

We have a somewhat similar sitch, sweet.

My WAW started having an affair about one month before dropping the bomb. We agreed to a "trial" separation of 2 months so she could "get some space" and "find herself." Yeah right. Find herself in another man's arms is more like it!

Your W will most likely avoid you like the plague over the next few weeks. She's probably full of guilt and shame about the A, and yet at the same time she probably feels like she can't give up this new found love. Too wacked out on love chemicals. She'll want to stay away from you, because seeing and talking to you reminds her of what she's done (is doing.) Deep down, she knows that what she's doing is so wrong. But the selfish side of her feels entitled to "doing what's best for her."

My W also has self-image issues, even though she's beautiful. She needs constant attention and verbal reinforcement that she's beautiful and talented. Of course she started having an A during a time when I was working my butt off and wasn't around enough to give her the attention she wanted. So she sought it out in OM.

Your W's family won't be of much help and you will find that you're very much alone in this battle. But that's OK. It'll be brutal, but you have the strength to survive this.

I would expose to OM's wife, set your boundaries with your W, and then detach, go pitch black dark, and work on yourself.

The main thing to realize is that your W has a LONG way to go to work through this mess. That's IF she works through it. A lot of WAS's just run, run, run from their problems and never look back, carrying their issues into their subsequent relationships.

You can't control your W's actions or feelings. All you can do is take care of yourself. Save yourself, build yourself into a GREAT man. And IF your W eventually comes back to you, you'll be ready to do the hard work it will take to reconcile. That is if you still want your W back at that point. Because it could take 6 months, a year, or even 2 years or more for her to realize that she made a terrible mistake by having an A and ripping apart your family.

As for your W saying that it shouldn't matter because you're separated and she served you, that's bs. The affair started BEFORE you separated. And even so, legally you're still married.
And from what you told me, there is no way they're "just friends."

[sweet-1]

Got my first "I want you to stop contacting the people I know and work with email" today. The funny thing is it's her friends and coworkers talking to me. I think they're worried about the complete personality change. I sent a Facebook request to the OM's wife, nothing in it but a friend request, when I caugtht hem kissing on the street last week, no reply. He's in Alberta working, she's home in British Columbia tking care of their resort. Anyway my wife told her boss, she was flying to the coast to see her mother, and told her sister she was going to an entirely different town (over 7 hours away). She swears they are "just friends" yet the kids have never met him, she takes extreme pains to keep the family away from him, she's constantly lying, she's accused me of breaking into her vehicle (I haven't but I still own half of it), She is telling people that I will trash all the furniture she left in the house, etc etc. It's a good thing friends often drive 3 hours to pay cash for a hotel room. It's only been a week since the EA or PA was outed so I'm not too worried about the anger (except she CC'd her lawyer), but I know her family is coming down on her for this as well.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Sweet,

As long as there are lawyers involved, I'd suggest not responding to any e-mails.

Puppy

[sweet-1]

I figured it was fishing trip of some kind (couple such emails over the last 5 mos). So I just type "Thank you". I can't believe how textbook her actions have been, and the fact it took a while to completely realize this was going on. But they just met on FB last July/August, and she asked for a separation on Nov 2, 2008, started talking D in Dec. So I'm hoping this can be salvaged, but not waiting for it. have enrolled in kickboxing classes, at a gym etc. Have been making sure I am very visible when out with my (our) friends socializing etc. It may take a while as I'm not sure what's going on with him and his wife. Oh well, on the plus side, I've already lost 14lbs since this started.

L

[sweet-1]

BTW, her statement of claim says shw wants "primary residence", she's telling her friends she wants custody eyc. Yet she told our son she's very happy with the 1 week on 1 week off arrangement and wants it to continue. (obviously coaching him because his 12th is next month). When she left on Nov 2, she literally drug the kids out of the house (in front of a witness, her sister unfortunately), as they didn't want to leave.

[sweet-1]

We met last night at D's riding lessons. We talked about everyhting but the R. It was nice, I was very polite, and she seemed distant but talked. She didn't speak too much about anyhting but neither did I. It was still nice. She was looking pretty worn down, I wanted to hold her and comfort her like the old times, but I doubt it would have been allowed anyway. She still looked beautiful to me anyway. I am kinda worried about her, her family has a hands off approach, they don't give advice (except her controlling dad) for fear of going against the father.

Got a letter from my lawyer today (dated Fri) that says to call him ASAP about changes in the file? Called but he was in a discovery and hasn't called back.

Was dying to ask her where she went on the weekend, but I didn't. She sent me the nastygram on Sat about trying to contact the OM's wife on facebook. As well, it's only been a week and a half since I confronted her about him. So it's gonna be interesting.

Nothing too new, but still wanted to post something, it's nice to tell the story anonymously without any pre-judgements or ideas.

[Kenn]

Sorry your going through this. The guys you have giving advice are great.

My daughter is same way. Wife spends too much time on phone. She loves her mom but would rather be at my house. Wife is lost in fog and doesn't understand or even notice problem.

Hang tough, my wife has pushed my buttons more than any other way through her unsympathetic commments about my daughter. Like everyone is suppose to be just fine with this issue.