You have said often that for a long time you thought that you were detached, and thought things were even moving forward positively, but then realized you were not detached enough when you got a second bomb and the D-train started.
What sorts of things were you doing that you should not have been doing when you were not detached enough.
Thinker,
I think I referred to my second bomb when the W started to making the D arrangements. Because of finances (her just starting to work again) we knew we couldn't start the D proceedings right away. So, after the bomb, I found the DB book and coach and went to work (this time on myself). Wife took notice plenty, and the D wasn't discussed for months, but when finances improved, she started planning again.
Tough question you ask. I've mentioned this lately, that some aspects of DBing are actually contrary to detaching. I mean, how can you truly detach, while you obsess about what the W is doing or not doing, while looking for progress and little signs constantly. Same with the 180s - I realized talking to my coach one day, that the 180s had to be something that I wanted to do (and could sustain).
The co-dependence reading helped me most and I was going through that material when the W started asking about the D timeline. The detachment process is tough and really forces you to look at life (potentially for some of us) without your W. I'm not sure how some guys could really detach and not see that as a distinct possibility.
It also has helped me to read a lot of inspiration material (or listen to). As of late, I'm listening a lot to Marianne Williamson - she's a new age, spiritual/religious writer that writes a lot about love and forgiveness. Whether you have a ipod or not, listen to her "daily miracles" podcast on itunes.
I'm rambling and probabaly did not answer your question, but feel free to ask anything.
