As I move deeper into my faith, I am seeing myself in a different light and, in a lot of ways, I'm not liking too many aspects of ME. I have always known what I've done to contribute to the demise of my marriage over time, and I've owned my 'stuff.' I'm talking more about what some of my brethren here on the DB board has told me, which is that I am controlling and full of myself and what I've done in my DB efforts. Of course I've done more than XW has. She hasn't wanted to reconcile or even consider it. As my friend told me in the beginning, she didn't divorce me to get back together with me. That was a sobering thought then, but not enough to keep my head on straight. I've spent far too much time grading her against my invisible scorecard, one which she didn't even know existed, and even if she did, she wouldn't have cared. The fact that she and I have been living in two mutually exclusive spheres makes the fact that we've had as much positive interaction as we've had miraculous. What's even more miraculous is that I haven't made her close the door completely and for good on any hope of reconciliation, however remote that chance is. At this point, the one thing I am doing is demanding that she treat me with respect and be considerate when she is dealing with me. Phoenixdeux is absolutely correct. I need to let her go. See her as my EX-wife. Move forward as though our reconciliation will likely never happen. If she should come back and express a desire to reconcile, I will deal with that then, because I plan to keep myself open to that possibility. We'll see. In the meantime, I'll spend time showing and being the best me possible, because that makes me feel better about me and about life. Additionally, I have some mandatory things that I need to NOT allow myself to be distracted from so, one foot in front of the other.
Letting Go Tom; JUST DO IT! previously hopeful_husband
my A: Fall 05 W found out: Feb 06; separated immediately W pursued D, final 7/11/07
