OK....I get it..... Has anyone seen the movie "He's Just Not that Into You"?
Friday night, S18 had a HS baseball game, H a no show. Decided to "go to the gym". WHATEVER. H did pick up D15 at the school after her track practice and took her to a friends house. Trying to reach him at the "gym" to see if he can pick her up from the friends house on his way back since it is on that side of town.
Anyway ....I left him a message early this evening that it would be great to go out to dinner, a movie, or "whatever" I am open to anything and everything. Then I jut get his call a couple of minutes ago (after 8:00pm). A bit late for dinner....late for an early movie....., SO I GET IT!!!! HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME. I have known this but now I really get it.
I am even wearing a cute new dress....have a fire going in the fireplace.....wine open and playing piano. WHATEVER! Just not that into me. Get over it!
That's it.
I hope you all have a most fantastic weekend. I hope to do a great 6 mile hike in the morning and then have fun at a St. Patrick's Day party. Luck of the Irish! I am a 1/4.
I'll state the obvious first. Pursuing doesn't help at all, as I know you've read it but maybe have not absorbed it or embraced it totally. It's easy to do and I've done it - thinking, maybe we can go out since I had a good excuse - my birthday, work friends invited me (us) out, etc. But my W was the same.
It's tough when you're looking your best and ready to go, but the H (/W) does not want to be with you. Someday he will or someone else will gladly.
Haven't seen the movie yet, but did see the Sex and the City episode that inspired it - which was funny - and sad.
Hi NM, I hope you are well today. Thanks for your post. I was of course venting last night! H did get home around 8:45 with D15, and then made us some steaks. I tried to make conversation about my day....but he didn't seem interested.
I know you are right about pursuing. I am having a hard time controlling myself. I keep backsliding....when he said he wanted to go mountain bike riding this morning, I tried to convince him to go on a hike with me instead. He kept saying he would go on a hike with me after the mountain bike ride. I keep thinking....is he really mountain biking or with OW? Or both? Maybe they go together.
This is making me crazy. Son has another HS baseball game this morning which H will obviously miss.
I am struggling so much with being level headed and strong for me and my kids one minute and being a completely clingy, hanger-on the next. Never used to behave that way but my confidence is shot! I guess I will work on that moment by moment and maybe it will get better in time. It is hard to understand how a man that has been my bestfriend and soulmate up through last Thanksgiving is now so distant and matter-of-fact when we are together. I miss him. I worry about the future constantly. So many ups and downs - from moment to moment.
I guess "I get it" but then again "I don't". He is like a completely different person. A stranger.
We used to watch TV together, news, etc... now he only watches IFC or Sundance movies. He hasn't watched the news since the election. I think he is trying to avoid anything negative and the news has been negative lately (stock market, real estate, etc...) We used to have lively discussions about what was going on in the world. Not anymore. H used to work on our house every weekend...used to take great pride in the home that he built himself. He has not worked on the house or cleaned the garage since November. That is because he is gone most of the day on Saturdays and Sundays.
On the GAL front...I had my guitar fixed and I pick that up today and found a website where I can download free sheet music for the piano. That has been fun for me! I know GAL is good for me, but I feel like I am just going through the motions.
We go to that St. Patrick's Day party tonight. He always seems to act like himself again when we are around friends. Might be a good distraction.
Have a great day NM!
Abby 44 H 50 S 18 D 15 status: limbo! still living together for now.
Wow Abby, I just can't say enough how much I identify with what you have said in your last post. It so odd isn't it that we have gone through our lives hearing the stories of people going through what we are going through, the pain, fear, confusion, and now WE are actually living this sad nightmare like we are in the story now or the movie about lost love.
The feelings are overwhelming, the roller coaster, it all seems so cliche, but it's actually now happening to me, it's surreal.
Keep you head up and fight the good fight for what you know in your heart is right. You are a brave and strong women I respect and love you for it.
Sad09, I am sad you and all of us have to go through this! You sound amazing and strong. Will try to keep up the good fight like you said! I think all the time about being "alone". My son leaves for college this summer and that leaves my daughter who who be a junior next year. She was just commenting how she only has 2 more years at home. I am afraid of being alone.
I am having a hard time controlling myself. I keep backsliding.... I am struggling so much with being level headed and strong for me and my kids one minute and being a completely clingy, hanger-on the next. Never used to behave that way but my confidence is shot! It is hard to understand how a man that has been my bestfriend and soulmate up through last Thanksgiving is now so distant and matter-of-fact when we are together. I miss him. I worry about the future constantly. So many ups and downs - from moment to moment.
Abby,
Just checking in with you. Girl, we can all tell you, we've all had days like this. Especially early. And as you describe your M, I think it was even better than mine, as I would be kidding myself if I called my W my soulmate - we had an average, but caring M.
This must make this so hard for you. And you really are in the beginning stages of this roller coaster ride that can last many (many) months. I think I recommended to you - to read "co-dependence no more" - a lot of it will apply to you, if like many of us, you had more of a life inside your M, caring for your S or children more than yourself. The downloaded audio version is great and soothing to listen to on an MP3 player (audible.com or itunes). There's also a chapter in detaching that it very helpful. Check it out and it may help you.
