I know a lot about your difficulty with listening and watching from what you said earlier. I have friends with the same problem. That's why I keep reminding you that your behavior and thinking is so good! Aside from the sitch being the worst, taking the steps and doing that in a well planned and thought out way is tremendous.
The "wall" takes awhile to get up - taking it down will be an inch by inch effort. It goes down much more slowly than it went up. But notice what brings it down and keep doing it. You would be convincing me with your behavior -not to mention how you talk about your W here - I can tell how much you love and care for her. She's very lucky.
