Devestated

[SoCo]

I went over to work on finishing getting the house ready to sell today. Still had lots of stuff in it. We are to the point where we NEED to get it sold asap. All of our stuff and the memories there just tear me up. I did really well for a while cleaning and bagging up stuff that we need, then I just had a breakdown. I sat down and just sobbed. It's the memories of my kid's rooms, being babies, the cute pics we painted on the wall, etc. It's the high hopes that I had when we bought that house. Everything was so optimistic and hopeful. Now it has all come crashing down. H is avoiding the task of getting everything out of the house, so the responsibility has fallen to me. We can't just let it sit there and get foreclosed. I swear that's what he would do if it were left up to him.

Last night he did show up to son's ball practice. He then informed me that he was taking my daughter, 3, to the pond to feed the ducks during practice. I told him that he might breed resentment on my son's part by doing that, but he didn't seem to think so. My daughter told my mom today about how they got ice cream and fed the ducks. She then told her that dad talked to a girl there that she didn't know.

So, now I'm wondering if he arranged to meet somebody there and that's why he was so dead set on taking her. I really hope not, because we had the talk about 1. Not dating while we are still married and 2. Not introducing the kids to anyone even after we do date other people. I hope that he did not at the first opportunity alone with my d have her around another woman. There is no way to know. H would lie about it if I asked him. It could have just been someone he talked to. I don't know, the whole thing sounds fishy to me. I'm 99% sure he's involved with someone else. If that's the case then so be it, but I don't want my kids seeing their dad with another woman while we are still married. Uggggg
Why can't he use common decency like I have been trying SO hard to use?

[SoCo]

Well, I think I am devestated no more. I'm just mad. I'm ready to get off this ride and file and be done with it. I made a dumb move this afternoon. He had called me this morning and talked about work, etc. We tm'd a couple of times about taxes, stuff like that. I have been in the house (that we still need to get sold) busting my a** cleaning and getting the rest of the stuff out for the last 2 days w/ no help from him. I was overwhelmed with emotion after spending 2 days in our house with all of the memories.

I tm'd him this afternoon and said "I still love you". Now mind you it was just a few days ago that he was telling me he loved me. He replied back with "What does that mean- love is just a made up word that I don't have time for." OMG. So, I sent back "Sorry- you won't be hearing it from me again." He sent back "Sorry just mad there's a lot going on here (work)." Um, I don't care about work making you be a total a**. I'm so sick of the games and mixed messages. I'm ready to file and be done with it. If love means nothing to you then why do I waste my time and energy? I resisted the urge to send back a big FU, so I just didn't reply. I'm not going to answer the phone if he calls. I'm SO done. Done being devestated and playing mind games.

[SoCo]

Question: How do you guys deal with it when your child wants to talk to their dad/mom, but you can't get ahold of them? My h only seems to call when HE wants to, but if my s wants to call him he never answers the phone. This whole things sucks. I know he says he doesn't have to answer to me, but his children still need him.

[SoCo]

Okay, so this is getting a bit ridiculous. H texted me all day long before s baseball game. He was trying to flirt with me. I guess he wanted some booty tonight. He has moved into his own place, but doesn't have much stuff yet. The kids can start to go visit him soon, so at least he will be doing a little parenting. He has been going to work out every morning, playing poker with the guys, etc. etc. Oh, and he also got a tatoo that he always "wanted" to get and I would never "let" him. So, he's running around going to work and living the bachelor life and loving it, while I am responsible for all of the parenting. A little lopsided and messed up if you ask me.

It is like he has gone back in time to when we got married (he was 21, he's now 33) and has picked up where he left off being a 21 year old guy. Oh my goodness.

Anyhow, I came to some conclusions last night, since he came over to play with the kids and eat my home cooked dinner. I really do not like him anymore. I don't like the way he's conducting himself and seems to be so happy living the single life. Really, poker, tatoos, drinking, etc. I guess he's having a blast. I honestly do not even like the way he smells when he got close to me last night. I think I'm done. I don't think that I want this person, even when he decides he's done partying. How do you have time to do all that stuff, but hardly ever time to see your kids? Ugggg... It's a 33 year old man-boy.

[pearlharbr]

First of all, take a deep breath. During this time your emotions are running wild and it sounds like you're letting them run your life. You need to take some time to calmly and rationally think about what you want. Are you ready to let go of your M and be a single parent? (I know it sounds like you are already.) Or do you want to try to make it work?

Have you read DB or DR? If not, do that first. Right now. You will see what it takes and then decide if you're up for it.

If your H is having a MLC, it may take years for him to come out of it. Are you willing to wait it out? If he is involved in EA/PA that needs to end before working on your M.

Stop focusing on your H. You cannot control his actions, you can only control your own actions. Start focusing on making yourself the best person you can be. Doing things for yourself will help you get off the emotional roller coaster.

I'm not trying to diminish or overlook the events you're posting about. I just think you need to take a step back and take a look at the big picture. Once you have an idea of what you want and are familiar with DB practices we can help you through it.

Also, I don't remember if anyone has said this, but continue to read and post on other people's threads. You'll get familiar with how others are handling their sitchs and they'll get to know you and come here to check in on you.

[GFI2]

SoConfused - Hi there - just caught drift of your sitch...sorry have't enough time to read through everything right now...

Just a thought - if you haven't come across this ... maybe the "love buster" area on the marriage builder board would be worth a visit...google "marriagebuilders"

Best GFi

[SoCo]

Well, new bomb. I found out from my 3yo d that h took her somewhere with the ow. Yep. OW confirmed, and he exposed our 3 year old to her. We are still married, only seperated 2 months, and he is parading my child in front of his new girlfriend. I found this out because he took my d from my son's baseball practice and insisted on taking her "to the park." I told him I didn't think it was a good idea, because son might feel left out, but h insisted. A couple of days later, my d tells me about the woman daddy was talking to at the park. I let it go thinking it could be anyone. Well, a couple of days later she tells me with a confused look on her face, that "Daddy loves his friend, but he loves you too mommy." I almost blew a gasket. I called and confronted him and at first he tried to lie. He said it was another kid, blah,blah. I called him on it and he admitted it. We had a huge arguement and he pretty much said he would take them around whoever he wanted to and it was none of my buisness. I was in total shock and just horrified. How dare he do that to our kids. He's lucky my s hasn't found out yet. He's old enough to really understand.

This has made up my mind that it is really over. I feel that he has NO morals or honor. If you love your kids, you don't emotionally hurt them by introducing them to your new girlfriend while still married to their mom. They are just now getting used to the idea of us not living all together. I am just totally disgusted by his behavior and know that I will not ever respect or love him again. I saw a lawyer yesterday. I feel that it is time and has gone beyond where it can be fixed. It just breaks my heart. Every time I look at information about child custody, the stuff involved in the divorce, etc. I literally get sick to my stomach. I need strength to not cry and throw up while we are sorting through the d process. I am so sad.

[SoCo]

Well, he came late last night to bring the c/s money. He doesn't see what was harmful to my d about exposing her to his "friend". He is shocked that I want to go ahead and file the d. He said he hasn't even slept with someone else and does not love anyone else. I told him I could have more easily forgiven him sleeping with someone else than getting my child mixed up in this. We left it at the "we never wanted this to happen" stage. I'm going to go ahead and try to get the d papers filled out, and have him come over and okay everything. We seem to be agreeable about visitation and stuff. This whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. Literally, when I look at the paper work I want to throw up. He says he still "loves" me, but how can someone act like that and love someone? I know I could never trust him again. We are so broken. So many lies. I just need to work through the pain of getting the d done and seeing my kids in pain. It is killing me to see my kids in pain. My 3 year old is incapable of understanding the situation. My 8 yo went from being upbeat happy all the time to having an attitude about half of the time. It is killing me inside. I hope we all come out of this okay.

[a new 2moro]

hey SC cmon over to MLC forum.....this behavior reeks of MLC! Tell your story over there. you will get some help

[SoCo]

Thanks, I might do that. As my name says, I'm still so confused. I feel responsible for wrecking my kids lives if I do the d. However, he is the one who has wrecked them. I am protecting them from his erratic behavior.