Stepping out and Stepping UP!

[cagzmom]

hi kissak..hope you are well. i need to pop over to your thread. I will try this weekend.

read the best thing - doing a devotional called "HOPE". The lady who wrote it lost 2 children within the first year of life. One died and they years later they had another child - and it too died. She talks about grieving, healing and the loss of dreams etc. It is good.

Anyway - yesterday and todays were so good - and ones taht cause us to take action. it was about CHOOSING LIFE. In Deut. 30 it talks about Gods call and He says that there are 2 choices before us ..life and death. What am I choosing? The blessing comes when we choose LIFE....

Then today she talked about a lady who had lost her child - HER DREAM was to be a mom, have a family. But she and her husband had llike a 99% chance of going through the same thing again because of their genetics. So the idea of having a "family" was probably not goign to happen for her

Anyway -- she said "you mean God would not give me the desire of my heart..not allow me to have MY DREAM...." and what the author said is huge in my spirit. I so related with her. MY DREAM was taken from me too. AND I have thought that very thing. That MY Dream was BIGGER and BETTER than God's dream/plan for me. So -- there is the challenge.... to begin to BELIEVE that GOD has a DREAM/PLAN for me that could actually be better - bigger then what I even wanted.

Then to "close" teh deal i was reading another devotional today -- it talked about faith an how we can drive a car 60+miles per hour on a highway with 2 lanes of traffic. The little 6" line sepearting us... and the other cars are coming at us at 60+ miles per hour... AND WE DRIVE in "faith" that we will be safe...but we can't trust GOD? WOW!! that hit me over the head!!! And I have to be honest and say -- no I think my dream was best for me... (AND THAT IS SO MESSED UP!!)

I want to get to the point where I TRULY believe that GOD HIMSELF and HIS plan for me is BETTER than any dream i could ever have.

so in letting go -
in moving forward-
in letting go of hurt and resentment -

i am reaching for His dream for me. AND right now I have no clue.....it is dark and unknown -- a place for a control freak like me that causes uneasiness. But I HAVE TO BELIEVE--- i have to.