What's next???? The adventure continues!!!

[AFWAW]

Ok, thanks, I feel a little bit better. Saw my counselor and she told me that I need to stop thinking about it and need to confront my wife as to when she's going to remove the rest of her belongings from the house. She says she can understand her leaving me but she is perplexed about her leaving her daughter. My wife called a little bit ago and did not want to speak with me but with my daughter. Ok, that makes it a little easier. I mean if she's going to do this then I don't want to see her or speak to her ever again. It will make me feel bad everytime. Does that make sense? I feel I will have to move to end it in my mind if she does. Fortunately for me, that is a good possibility being in the military. We'll see.

[PortlandDad]

AFWAW, you are I are in the same spot. My W left me and our 3 kids behind and moved (back) to Germany. Her prime motivation was an aggressive A with an OM. Sadly, this seems to be the strongest motivator to compel a W to leave their kids. I pray that your sitch turns out differently, since I think a forgiveness issue might be easier to resolve than a full-blooded A, but maybe I feel that way because of where my family is currently at.

Another thing; it is normal to feel discouraged while DB'ing. Come on here and blow off some steam! You are among friends and sympathizers here. Hopefully you read some other folks' sitches and take some pieces of wisdom from their stories and what is working for them.

Do you still want to save your M? Only you can decide how much you can take and how far you want to go. If nothing else, you are doing an amazing job with your D. Work on that, and work on you -- you can decide how to handle your W later as there will be plenty of time for the rollercoaster to run its' course.

Peace.

[AFWAW]

PortlandDad
Thanks brother, I apprecite it. Well my daughter and I went out to eat and went to Walmart. She is such a trooper. She caught me thinking about the sitch and smacked me and said knock it off! LOL!! I'm pretty bummed right now. I still don't know if the wife is having an affair or not. I pray that she's not but I'll probably never know. I am looking at what to do if this unfolds poorly. I have already made the decision to move. How soon depends on a number of factors.

I still want to save my marriage. Sadly, my wife does not. My daughter and I are going to the beach for a few hours tomorrow. I'm going to have to force myself to do stuff or I will just sit in this house and wither away.

At least you don't have to see your wife--I think that would be easier and I could get past it quicker. I don't know. Hope you have a good weekend.

[confusedinpa]

AFWAW,

I think you need to look to your daughter as inspiration.

I hate to keep harping on the music thing but it has really helped keep me in perspective - I downloaded the 80's Metal Gold Album and it is good since it's upbeat and has no soft love song gushy stuff to get me down. I listen to it whenever I'm driving.

Not sure if that's your type of groove, but put a playlist together of stuff that keeps you pumped up so you can listen to it whenever you need to. I used to rely an the DB forum to get upbeat/encouragement, but the MP3 player is really on demand.

Best of luck to you.

You survived 2 wars. This is another one. You can do it!

[AFWAW]

Yeah, I hear you. Daughter is inspiring. On the way home she says can I control the radio? I said sure but no love songs!!! She finds a good techno station on XM and turns it up!!! Pretty cool. We are watching a movie she wants to right now.

The wife called a bit ago to ask what the min payment on our joint visa is. She said I tried to look online but apparently you changed the code. She said I don't think you can see what the payment is anyway? She said I'm only going to pay the min payment. I said I understand. She said, I know you do. Ok, bye.

Now if she knows you can't see the min payment, why do you think she was looking for it online? She wanted to see how much money I have, doesn't she? She sounded a bit snippy, so I'll assume she was pissed she couldn't see the account? Why should she be able to? It is so strange to have money. I looked at what I bought over last payday and it wasn't a lot. Really strange that I have as much this payday in the account as we would have had together. I almost feel guilty about it. It will take some time I'm sure but I will get used to it and find something I want to spend my money on. If we get back togehter, we will have a joint account and two seperate accounts.

So what did I learn by her calling? She is not out with another guy and it's 9pm on a Friday. Most guys I know wouldn't tolerate this type of behavior on a Friday night, so that's promising right?

[marriedCrazy]

Maybe it's promising; maybe not...true detachment comes when you don't worry about the reasons behind what she does.

You're a good father. Enjoy your relationship with your D and try to not worry about what your W does nor why.

[AFWAW]

I guess I'm not there yet then. It is so tough. I find myself not knowing what to do especially on the weekends. This is exasperating not knowing what the future holds w/ my wife. Why is it so hard to let go? I find myself very angry this morning and in very much despair. Has anyone else had this much of a problem?

[song]

Yes, I feel the same way. Very angry and very sad. I can't seem to find anything that provides any joy or happiness in my life, every day is a struggle, and I feel totally lost. I wish I had words of encouragement, but at least know that I can fully empathize with you, and will pray for you.

[song]

Everyone says you have to detach, and I just can't seem to get there. I would rather lose an arm or leg than to lose my family.

[Kokopelli]

I am struggling with the detachment also. Funny how the WAS has no issues detaching. I have had extreme emotional turmoil as well. I guess if nothing else we can take comfort that we are not going through this alone, even though it does feel that way. Know that almost everyone here, share so many feelings and emotions in common. I am praying for you.