Walk Away German Wife (WAGW)

[PortlandDad]

ILF:

I see the strategy, but it is not something that has worked in the past. When the separation was new, I used the kids' well-being, my health issues, their health issues, etc. as a club to try and shame her into coming back. It might have been a little more subtle than a club, but not by much. That strategy just hasn't worked. She would feel really bad while she was talking to me and I could tell that she was conflicted, but then she would hang up and call a few hours or days later and it wouldn't even register with her any more.

I learned later that she would go talk to the OM, who would convince her that kids would be fine, she should stay there with him, letting them suffer for a while would help in an eventual divorce from me, etc. etc. The bottom line was that she would come back to me as convinced and stubborn as ever. I'm not sure how strong this "support" system is for her any more as she has a tendency to burn up her friends, which I hear from her mom is still happening.

I could definitely tell she was feeling the shame today, so I did take a little joy in that fact, but if I know her, when I talk to her tomorrow she will be largely over it.

My current strategy is just to wait it out and work on myself and the kids. She cannot afford to support her lifestyle on her own for more than a month or two at the most. Without a job, she is burning through her money at a fevered pace. Her rent, utilities, groceries, gas, insurance, medical and superfluous spending habits are cleaning her out. Even if she were to get a job, it wouldn't be one that could support her independent (and lavish) lifestyle and would only delay the inevitable for a month or two, at most. If she were to sell her car back and move back in with her parents, she could probably make it until the end of summer.

Personally, I think she has already decided that she is going to stay until her money runs out and then come home. Because of this, I separated our monies some time ago so that she can't do any more financial damage to me or the kids again. When she comes back, I will continue to keep our finances separate.