K - et al - just a side note - one of my lecturers when I was at Uni was Geoff Beattie - the psychologist taken on by the UK Big Brother - at the time when I was at uni he was famed for his studies into the non verbal communication etc of political figures - at that time it was Maggie Thatcher mainly - but also I remember he did a study on beaches...
in Ibiza - what a jolly!!!
Basically he got money to travel to there and sit on a beach for a couple of weeks and watch...watching couples "mirroring" each other - if anyone has seen him that's where he gets his tan from!
You'd never get away with it today!
When one person sat up, (say from a couple) the other did, when one person turned towards the other, the other did - in a mirror pose...
the footage, as we saw it in a dark Sheffield lecture theatre was amazing!!!
We're all aware of ourselves doing it - but his study essentially stripped away all extraneous factors - it was a very powerful piece of work - and left me thinking - if that what it means to be a psychologist - then yes - let me in!!! Where do I get my plane ticket!!!!
It struck me that a while back - and I think I have this right - you did observe that when you were in a much more positive frame of mind about your relationship, your H was likewise, granted he was not giving you what you wanted but nevertheless he was altogether more positive...
Would that be the case?
Now you're being less optimistic...would it be fair to say that your H is following that mood?
...to bring psychology to it...its down to "shaping"
Your H has all the qualities you want - the challenge is to shape him into showing them to you - he's not lacking them...otherwise you wouldn't still be here...
Its your shaping skills that need honing...
But Kalni - that's so easy for me to say...
you've tried for so long
i dare say you've tried everything you can think of...
...to bring psychology to it...its down to "shaping"
Your H has all the qualities you want - the challenge is to shape him into showing them to you - he's not lacking them... Its your shaping skills that need honing...
I AM ALL EARS!!!! PLEASE EXPLAIN! I am going to bed now, need to be pretty if I want to meet a jap or something similar to that... Please do find the time to explain though, thanks!!! xx K
Mykonos, Santorini, Koufonissia, Sifnos, Patmos...(amazing island, VERY spiritual, google it)
Maria - could it be that your H is feeling over-shadowed by you?
I offer this:-
Until recently I found myself being dictated to by my W about which day and on what night I would have H...
I am one pleasant, complying guy...I feel walked all over every time that happens...and I yet I comply - for some reason I have a guilty streak in me that means that i fold...despite the fact that now my W has an OM in tow - Now I have got to get tough! And get on with life.
But sounds like you're waiting for your H to do the same....one way or the other...
Kalni - there's no right move!!! Only you know that will be - but hey! Ask...cos I do have ideas...! But not at this time of night!
I am going to bed now, need to be pretty if I want to meet a jap or something similar to that... Please do find the time to explain though, thanks!!!