alien invasion II

[hoosiermama]

Yes, I agree with you. I also feel weak, dependent and frustrated. I do feel disoriented. About all I know at this point about my life is who I am. And I thank God that I haven't lost that.

I'm not as generous as you are, though. Most of my life I've been told how strong I am, and it has begun to feel as if people are saying it as they're walking (or running) away from me--not in kindness or admiration. Like, "whoa! sucks to be her! It could be contagious! I'm outta here; she's strong, she doesn't need me anyway!" That's not really depression talking--that is really how it feels. I noticed that in working with people while facilitating grief groups; it's a mechanism people use for dealing with other peoples' pain. I'd always advise people to say it at the beginning of a conversation, not the end, and to be sitting rather than walking away. And at this point, I can see how astute I was!

Bless your heart, I know you're sharing your hard-earned wisdom. I'm just so tired, tho, of taking things one day, one step, one hour at a time. It gets exhausting. I so want to relax a little and just be able to plan ahead, to not have to focus so much concentration on getting through the moment. I'm not always like this, but I do have my rough patches.

I am really really looking forward to seeing what is on the other side of all of this. That's what's giving me the strength to keep moving forward; the only way to the other side is directly through it.