In desperate need of advice, separation looming!

[Amy M]

sad09,

First off hugs to you! Yes, Puppy is frustrated with you. But, I have to say, he was frustrated with me too. In fact, in my 7 months here, I think he only actually posted to me twice. He thought I was a lost cause!!! I was at first. Most of us are at first.

Puppy has very good advice always. But, if you aren't ready to hear it, he can't help you. No one can. The one thing I learned in my sitch was that when I first came here I just wanted support and love. Later, I realized that things might have been different for me had I made different decisions and done things differently. I wish I'd been able to take some of the advice a little sooner.

My H is involved in an affair...has been for over 2 years now. He never once let me know he was taking her to concert or anywhere else that was not work related for that matter. I think maybe you have an opportunity to stand up to her just because you know she's gone to the 1st concert with him. The thing is, the longer this R with Matt continues the harder it might be for her to let it go.

What are you afraid of...that she'll move? Sounds to me like she's already making plans to do just that. Whatever you decide to do or not do about confronting her is totally up to you.

The more important thing is that you need to get yourself together and GAL...get a life, so that you aren't scared of her leaving you. Scared is not attractive on a man. Self-pity is not attractive on a man.

I haven't read your whole sitch, so, this may have been answered already. Can you get a job? Any job? Can you take on a new project at the house? Can you get out and meet some new people? You need to do some things that make you feel good about yourself. You need to recognize your value so you don't keep worrying and being scared and feeling sorry for yourself about your W's actions.

You can live without her...I know that for a fact...I thought I'd die when my H left. I didn't...and, I'm on day 3 in a row of days when I haven't even been sad that he's gone. Not even a little sad. My D is moving forward. And, I'm not scared...I'm maybe even a little excited about the new things that being single again will mean for me.

So, start making some goals for you...some that have nothing to do with W. The idea is to become more attractive...maybe she'll notice. Maybe she won't. But, either way, you'll feel better. And, when you feel better, you'll be better equipped to take advice from Puppy and do things that will hopefully put your marriage back on track.

Think about that...I'll be out of town this weekend, but I'll try to check in at least once to see what things you are considering doing just for you!

Love to you!
Amy