Hugs, guys! I just wanted to report that I'm still feeling good today. I've noticed over the course of this mess that a good day is not always followed by another good day...so, I wasn't sure what I'd feel this morning.
But, it's a good day!!!! Hopefully, I'll hear back from the attorney today and hopefully, H will begin to supply me with some of the papers needed to finish the paperwork. He's got a long list.
I emailed him the list yesterday and after I talked to the boys last night I asked him if he had any questions about the list. He said no...but, he was snippy. I just said, "H, this is still so ridiculous. We have a lot of years left to be parents together. Please try to drop the attitude with me. We are close...so close to being done with the next step. Let's do it without the attitude. It's still me you are talking to, you know?" He was quiet a minute, then he said, "Okay, Amy, I'll try harder." And, time will tell!
Hope everyone has a great Thursday!!!
Love you all! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
And, now day 3 in a row!!! I'm still feeling good (although dealing with this frustrating guy at work has given me an intense headache for the 2nd day in a row!).
I got a response from the attorney. She said I can't do anything about his exposing the kids to his living arrangements unless we put it in the settlement. She suggested something like..."For six months after the final dissolution of marriage, the children will not stay overnight with the Husband if there is a woman staying overnight at the same location unless he is married to that woman." And, that just doesn't get me what I need. So, I'm not gonna fight it.
I removed that from the settlement version she sent and added the following: "Husband acknowledges Wife’s disapproval of the children having overnight visits in a home where Husband lives with a woman to whom he is not married." At least then it's on record. I still might bring it up in court...just to shock H!!!
I had the most normal conversation with him last night that I've had in weeks. Maybe he senses my "doneness" or maybe he's trying to drop the attitude with me since I asked him to or more likely it was a fluke and won't happen again for ages! But, neither of the boys wanted to talk when he called. So, I said, "H, I was planning to have S3's birthday party here in 2 weeks. I'm going to rent one of those moonwalk things and invite his class from daycare."
Now, H has S3 on his birthday this year. So, the weekend I'm proposing for the party is the week before that. I only told H because I wanted him to realize that I'd do the party...he wouldn't have to. I was not going to include him in that party giving!!! At this point I figured we'd do separate celebrations. So, he responds with, "Okay. I've been meaning to ask you. Count me in." I said, "What do you mean, 'count me in'?" He said, "For the party...I'll come over early and help get set up and stuff. Just let me know what you need me to do." I was sort of taken aback...I wasn't sure what to do. So, I just said, "Well, I think I can handle most of it, but I do need some more outside chairs for the parents if you have any I could use." He said, "Yeah. I'll see what I can come up with."
Then, we talked for a few more minutes about S7's talking in class and his not following directions and about the football league H wants to sign him up for and a few other things. I said, "Well, we'll be driving tomorrow night so call early or later if you want. Have a good night, H." He said, "You too."
Maybe we will get through this without the ugliness. I so hope so at this point!
Hope everyone else is having a fabulous Friday!!! My short week sure has dragged on and on!!! I'm so glad for weekend...am gonna get some jewelry this weekend to go with my purple shoes...then, all I'll need is somewhere to wear them!!
Hugs, everyone!! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
(((Amy))) I have an unbelievable amount of respect for you for how you're handling this, it's amazing.
I can't do it - although, I spent 2.5 years treating W like a QUEEN, and all I got out of it was resentment, bitterness, and disrespect, so obviously that doesn't work in my situation.
I have informed W that I won't have anything to do with her, except where necessary for the kids, and that's right for me - but at the same time, I'm very jealous of you, and how you can have that sweet spirit.
It really challenges me - but I see my kids hurting every day, and I can't stand it.
Sigh, Lord grant me grace!
So glad to hear about your good days - let's go for four, then five, then 9, then 30!
Hi Amy I have never read your posts before, and I just wanted to say how happy I am for you that you are having good days! It's so noce to hear that someone here is. I respect and admire your bravery, keep up the good fight for what is right.
I had a weird experience tonight that was worth posting...just to capture it in my journal.
Today was an okay day. Started out good, got progressively more frustrating as it went on. I had dinner plans with a group of friends tonight to celebrate St Patrick's Day, and I was thinking by 5:00 that I really would like to have a beer. I get to daycare to pick up S7, and the teacher presents a note that says he's hit 2 kids. I ask him what's up with that, and he just says, "They hit me first." So, we get to the car, and I check his folder from school. He's got 2 marks on his paper...which means he had to be called down at least 4 times...she gives them 2. So, now I'm really frustrated. He's gotten many marks at school over the last few months, and his dad had told him the other day that 3 more meant he'd miss the spring football he wanted to play. Today was the 3rd of those 3.
I call H. I rarely do that outside our appointed times. He answers and I say, "Do you have a minute to talk to S7 about his day?" He says yes and I let S7 tell him about the note and the marks at school. S7 is quiet while his dad talks then he hands me the phone.
H tells me what he told S7 about not getting to play football, and asks me what I intend to do about punishment. I ask what he suggests. He tells me, and I don't respond right away. So, he gets angry...he says, "Well, if you don't agree, don't take my advice." I said, "Actually, H, I do agree. I'm just so frustrated that I have to sacrifice my plans for the evening because S7 got in trouble at school." He says, "Well, that's what it means to be a parent." And, I'm thinking...yeah, like you know about that. But, I held my tongue.
So, I cancel our plans with the group (cause some of S7's friends will be there so it was as much fun for him as for me). And we get all S7's homework done. And, he can't watch TV so he reads extra for school. And, we talk about his day, and he can't explain the behavior, but he assures me he'll do better tomorrow. And H calls at 7:50 to talk to boys. I make S3 talk because he's not been interested in talking to H lately. Then, S7 talks and hands me the phone. H asks me some financial stuff about our settlement...as I suspected, refinancing the boat to remove my name may prove difficult for him. We discuss, and then, I say, "H, I sent you the last draft of the settlement. Ball's in your court. If you need extra time to refinance the boat, mark up the agreement and extend the time. Just promise you won't kill anyone while my name is on the registration." He says, "Well, I can't afford fuel for the boat, so, it's unlikely it will move at all. How much time do you think is fair?" And, I say, "Look, H, talk to the bank. Find out what you need to do to make it work. Let me know. I'll work with you. I'm not trying to make things difficult for you. I mean, I've never tried to make things difficult for you..." And, at this point I'm crying. Since I realize I'm not going to contain it, I say, "H, I'm having a tough day so I'm gonna let you go." And the most amazing thing happened then...My H's voice, I mean MY H's voice...the one without the attitude and the chip on his shoulder, said, "Oh, Amy (long pause) okay, I'll just let you go." So, I hung up.
But, he's in there. I heard him. And, somehow that's sad and wonderful at the same time. I've been so worried about my boys living part time with H and the OW. Knowing that my H is still inside that body somewhere means that there's hope that he'll look out for them when I can't.
I hope everyone had a great St. Patrick's Day, and I hope someone drank a beer for me tonight!!!
Love you all.
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
I'm so sorry for that with S7 - I'm dealing with the same stuff, and it sucks. I really really feel for you.
I want you to know that you made my day. You don't know how many times I've felt slightly crazy because I tell my family and friends that W is "in there" somewhere, and I know she is, and they look at me like I'm nuts.
It's absolutely huge to me to see that it happens to someone else!
{{{Amy}}} Hope you have an even better day than you are expecting to