So here is how I handled the info I got yesterday about my wife, see the above super long post from me for background.
So my wife spoke of me not seeing the tickets in the mail when she was emailing 'Matt', well some of the concert tickets came in the mail yesterday.
I decided that I would act as if this was no big deal, sort of a whatever attitude, since I keep telling myself I truly have no control over anything accept how 'I'respond to things.
So when she came in I handed the two envelopes to her and said, "looks like you got some concert tickets, good for you, I am glad to see that you are continueing to make plans to go to concerts". I then said, " I know how important they are to you, i am happy to see your taking care of yourself by doing what you love." Then I just smiled and moved along with making dinner.
I must admit that I was hoping this would allow her to save face about being decietful about buying concert tickets and asking 'Matt' to go. You see this is the second time she has done this and she knows I found her actions about not telling me up front instead of being sneaky about it.
I must admit I was extremely hurt that she would invite 'Matt' to another concert having known how much it hurt me the first time she did this.
I also know that she has felt unsafe telling me things that she knows has the potential to upset or hurt me. Knowing her feelings in this area I took a deep breath and decided that I just need to show her compassion. So I decided to respond as a careing friend rather than REACT in a poor manner.
Though it was very difficult, I felt great about myself, and odly empowered.
She never did say anything about the fact that she had asked 'Matt' though. I don't know if she will.
I had really hoped that when I told her that I was just not alright with her even considering seeing other people while we a separated, which she agreed to. The thing is she agreed to not seeing other peolpe on the same day she told 'Matt" to leave the date open for the concert and that she knew it would upset and hurt me.
What am I to think of that? 1) is she so over our marriage that she just does not care about my feelings at all? 2) is she just so afraid about how I will react? 3) or does she know in her heart that what she is doing is so wong she can't face it?
