I know what you mean. Detaching is hard. I feel like detaching is giving up on my M. And in my mind I know it's not, but then my heart says it is. I know I HAVE to detach, but it's difficult. And GALing is hard when it's so cold out. I just want to stay home warm and cozy LOL.
Let's see where this road leads..... I will continue w/ my 180's try my darndest to GAL, and remain lovingly distant.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
be happy about the kiss on the cheek. It could be worse, he could not be making any kind of contact at all. Become worried when he gives you a dirty look on the way out. In the meantime, you're doing great. I'll work on you to not over think and I expect you to do the same for me!!
Today was a fine day. He called me a couple of times for no reason. He TM me to let me know he'll be a few mins late and why.
He was fine at home, but suddenly got into a bad mood when the girls started arguing and carrying on. He tried to get testy w/ me and I put my foot down. He said he can get into a bad mood whenever he wants, and I said yes he can but I don't have to deal with it, nor do I feel like hearing it today, so to make sure he works it off at the gym.
He was leaving to the gym and I ignored him, he said bye mommy, I said yeah bye. He was half way out the door, came back in for "something" don't know what, maybe nothing, then he asked me if I can give him a kiss on the cheek for the gym, I did then he said thank you.
About 5 mins after he left, he called me to tell me how nasty his energy drink tasted, made a couple of jokes, I "Acted as if" I was cool, and laughed. We hung up....
Let's see where this leads. I have no idea, and I guess no one else here does anymore either.
I'm confused, how should I act when he gets home? Act distant? Be excited, say hey your home! and give him a nice juicy kiss on the cheek? I have no idea, I don't want to turn him off, I don't want to persue.
What do I do?
Can someone please offer advice?
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
Hey You, Here's a weird question.....what state do you live in? Your H goes to the gym that late at night? I'm just noticing your post time. I think you are doing well. I would suggest "not being confused" like he obviously is. Set your boundaries as to how you would treat him in every situation you can think of. I think the way you handled him last night was like a pro 100%. I say this based on HIS reactions to how you carried yourself. "Nope, you can work that attitude off at the gym." So he leaves for the gym....but then has to come back for something....??? Who does he think he's fooling here? Then he calls you about something as MUNDANE as the crappy taste of his energy drink....???? Who does he think he's fooling here? They all taste like crap!! Good for you 2GBA! You definitely the DBing targets with this one. Let me know how the rest of the evening went.
Around 5 yesterday, my H is at the golf course and texts me "Why don't you let our friend (who I'm living with) have his castle to himself tonight?" The friends I'm staying with....they are married, he's good friends with my H and I'm great friends with the wife. The wife is out of town this weekend as of yesterday. So I agreed and mentioned I wondered if our friend was going to feel weird without his wife there. So I was home last night. We looked like the completely normal happy family I hope we can be again. I know there are huge no-no's with ML, but I wanted too. And the whole night was perfect. This morning when H left for work, S had crawled into bed with me, and H kissed our S, and then gave me the sweetest kiss on my forehead, like back in happier times. So, the new game plan for you and me--keep GALing, keep focused on the kids, and NO MORE REACTING. 2GBA, I wish we did live in the same town. I'd really love to meet you....and a few other's I've "met" here too.
Here's a weird question.....what state do you live in? Your H goes to the gym that late at night? I'm just noticing your post time.
We live in NYC, the city that never sleeps LOL. My H gets home from work around 7:15 leaves to the gym by 8 so he can kiss the girls GN, he takes Monday and Weds or thursdays off to spend the entire evening w/ the girls. Our gym closes at ll, but he's usually home by 10- 10:30.
This morning were smiley times, left to work with me, was another cheek kiss. I'm tired of dancing.
He told me he worked on his back last nite so we can do legs 2gthr 2nite, b/c he knew I have to do legs today.
He is very confused. Yesterday he was talking about a new gym he was thinking about joining b/c they have more of a variety of equipment, and like a dummy I offered advice, then I said you know what let me not say anything do whatever you like it's your money. He said yes, don't say anything. Then he went to like lift his finger to put to his lips to say shh, and I didn't look at him, he said look , I said no, he said come on look, and I said No, b/c I really don't feel like being disrespected right now by you shushing me, (to me that's disrespectful in some situations) he just got quiet. And began a light hearted conversation and joking and such.
Maybe he likes that I'm sticking up for myself again.
When he leave to visit his dad in 2 wks he kew I was planning on visiting my mom that wknd, out of state. But I told him yesterday, I changed my mind, I'm sending the girls and I'm staying home to enjoy a wknd to myself. And I also might go hang out with some friends. He looked completely confused b/c he knows I hate staying home completely alone at night. But whatever, a girl's gotta grow up some time. And I REALLY just need a wknd completely to myself.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
Ok, I'm moving to MLC board, maybe I can get some help there. It seems like only certain people get help on the newcomers board. I was in their sitch a few wks ago, now its taking a whole new turn, I'm confused again, but I'm not getting help or suggestions. Except from my DB buddy SLH. You can find me over at MLC board chica.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
Hi 2gthrButApart, my computer has been "sick" so I have been out of touch for a few days. Just wanted to stop in to see how you are doing. Looks like you are still hanging in there.
I don't know if you like Dr. Phil or not, most people either love him or hate him (lol), but I found one of his books marked down and just picked it up out of curiousity and decided to bring it home. It is called "Love Smart". Now, really it was written with single women in mind, but he also talks to M women. Anyway, the main thing is he talks to our "souls", I guess you'd say. He talks about self-esteem and knowing "who" we are and "what" we want in our mate, etc. Of course, the point is knowing all this "before" you decide on who your mate will be. (lol) It is easy reading and I found it to be inspiring. Wished I had had it many years ago!
I just wanted to say that try not to get your hopes up from one day to the next.....only to have them dashed by your H's mood swings. If you know who you are and what you want in life and then make efforts to get what you want (in the right way, of course) and focus on "you" instead of your H, and everything he says or does.....it will be a lot easier for you. You are wondering, "why a kiss on the cheek now" and why this and that. Honey, it will drive you crazy. You just have to live your life and be happy with who you are. If you like "who" you are, then others will like you also (even your H). If you respect yourself, so will he. If you are fun to be around, then he and everyone else will want to be around you. I think there is an answer there for all us gals whether there is another woman who our H's may be interested in or not. We need to do our best to "outshine" everyone else in the eyes of our H's. So many times after we get M, we just let down and seem to think that we have nothing to worry about. HA! There is always somebody out there "looking". So, whether is is the W who went astray or the H--or if the M is just on the rock for other reasons, we should always work to keep ourselves in tip-top condition mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, and every way. (Wheeeesh, not much to ask for, is it?)
You already know the negative things "not" to do by pursuing and acting needy and clingy. Well, when you start gaining more pride and your self-esteem grows more and more healthy, you won't be doing those negative things that make you appear weak and pathetic that turns men off. That is something we all could work on!
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I've actually ben away b/c I've been sick w/ the stomach virus LOL...I'm trying not to focus on too many lil' details, so I don't go nuts. But lately he's been giving me a different look. The vibe is different, his tone is different, his words are different, he's calling me by my old nicknames again, that he's called me over the yrs, he's given me a meaningful kiss on the lips 5x since Jan 16th. And they feel great b/c they actually have meaning, it's not just out of habit but more out of our coming together in a new way I think. Why else would he kiss me on the lips out of nowhere, he knows darn well what it would make me think. The air is lighter, we are joking more, the night time hugging is back, he's calling me throughout the day for almost no reason, we are being nice to one another.
I hope we are growing up, growing together.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
