I'm a typical "Nice guy" and am currently reading the book and am making changes for myself as I didn't know any better before. So, read the book for YOUSELF and make the improvments for YOU.
Me-44 WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY) S-16 S-14 M-10/17/1992 T23 Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09 Me stronger and happier everyday!
Would/could this be seen as a 180 as I am slightly confused, I was very selfish and did things to suit myself ie, sport, non-commital to pre and post natal baby classes, not around when the children were young, though in my defence I was working weekends a fair amount of the time, and if I wasn't I'd be playing golf. Am I being too hard on myself as these are not the reasons my wife is divorcing me? By putting her and my children to the top of my priority list I feel I am already doing a 180, which in turn is something I am doing for myself as a part of self-analysis and improvement.
I would also like to hear from a womens POV.
Mark,
What were her EARLIER marital complaints? Not the ones that surfaced RECENTLY, as almost all wayward spouses re-write marital history to justify their waywardness.
I would say that your guiding principle in these things should be "Try to do THE RIGHT THING -- what God Himself would have you do if He were standing right in front of you."
Not the EASY thing, and not "the thing that will ensure that my wife doesn't get angry."
How often did you play golf, or do other things with male friends, just for you? Did she ever complain about it at the time?
Also, to what extent did you consult your wife on any job promotions/decisions that led to the weekend work? Was this something she was on board with, or were you perhaps not listening to her at the time and hearing her concerns?
She said our marriage started to crumble 2 to 3 years ago, she said she has tried to hold it all together for the family but could not do it any longer. She cites the "I love you but am not IN love you any more" because of the closeness we have lost due to children, work, new home etc. That is the reason she gives and to me everything else is superfluous 'excuses'.
I need to re-kindle our friendship, closeness etc but it seems as though she has checked out of our marriage completely.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
She said our marriage started to crumble 2 to 3 years ago, she said she has tried to hold it all together for the family but could not do it any longer. She cites the "I love you but am not IN love you any more" because of the closeness we have lost due to children, work, new home etc. That is the reason she gives and to me everything else is superfluous 'excuses'.
I need to re-kindle our friendship, closeness etc but it seems as though she has checked out of our marriage completely.
She VOCALIZED that to you 2-3 years ago, or she NOW says it "started to crumble 2-3 years ago"????
I played golf nearly every Saturday which took up most of the day. We hardly did any family activities as the Sunday was spent with me doing DIY, jobs around the house etc. I also participated in gym work two evenings aweek without me ever saying to my wife "why don't we try and do something together". She sometimes said are you playing golf this weekend and I would say yes, though on reflection she never asked me not to. ithink she may have been testing me to see if i "got it", which I clearly didn't.
As a contractor I workd various weekends to supplement our income as I never knew when the contract would end, I cannot recall her complaining or mentioning it as the last thing I wanted to do was work weekends.
After the bomb was dropped and reading everything on this site and others, I have found complete clarity on what I should have done, all the hints from my wife, though she never mentioned going to counselling when she initially became unhappy, and now she will not entertain it as she said it is too late.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I played golf nearly every Saturday which took up most of the day. We hardly did any family activities as the Sunday was spent with me doing DIY, jobs around the house etc. I also participated in gym work two evenings aweek without me ever saying to my wife "why don't we try and do something together". She sometimes said are you playing golf this weekend and I would say yes, though on reflection she never asked me not to. ithink she may have been testing me to see if i "got it", which I clearly didn't.
As a contractor I workd various weekends to supplement our income as I never knew when the contract would end, I cannot recall her complaining or mentioning it as the last thing I wanted to do was work weekends.
After the bomb was dropped and reading everything on this site and others, I have found complete clarity on what I should have done, all the hints from my wife, though she never mentioned going to counselling when she initially became unhappy, and now she will not entertain it as she said it is too late.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I played golf nearly every Saturday which took up most of the day. We hardly did any family activities as the Sunday was spent with me doing DIY, jobs around the house etc. I also participated in gym work two evenings aweek without me ever saying to my wife "why don't we try and do something together". She sometimes said are you playing golf this weekend and I would say yes, though on reflection she never asked me not to. ithink she may have been testing me to see if i "got it", which I clearly didn't.
As a contractor I workd various weekends to supplement our income as I never knew when the contract would end, I cannot recall her complaining or mentioning it as the last thing I wanted to do was work weekends.
After the bomb was dropped and reading everything on this site and others, I have found complete clarity on what I should have done, all the hints from my wife, though she never mentioned going to counselling when she initially became unhappy, and now she will not entertain it as she said it is too late.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I played golf nearly every Saturday which took up most of the day. We hardly did any family activities as the Sunday was spent with me doing DIY, jobs around the house etc. I also participated in gym work two evenings aweek without me ever saying to my wife "why don't we try and do something together". She sometimes said are you playing golf this weekend and I would say yes, though on reflection she never asked me not to. ithink she may have been testing me to see if i "got it", which I clearly didn't.
As a contractor I workd various weekends to supplement our income as I never knew when the contract would end, I cannot recall her complaining or mentioning it as the last thing I wanted to do was work weekends.
After the bomb was dropped and reading everything on this site and others, I have found complete clarity on what I should have done, all the hints from my wife, though she never mentioned going to counselling when she initially became unhappy, and now she will not entertain it as she said it is too late.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
