Walk Away German Wife (WAGW)

[PortlandDad]

My S17 spoke with her for about 10 minutes today. She had a terrible migraine and was lying down when he called. My MIL was over at her apartment taking care of her, so he talked to her for about 10 minutes. He told me that she sounded bad (in pain; both physically and emotionally).

She called again last night. It was 2:00am here and the phone woke me out of my sleep. I noticed on the caller ID that is was "Out of Area" so I knew it was her calling. When I picked up and said hello, she hung up. I thought for about 30s before I decided to call her back. Maybe that was a mistake? Maybe I should have let it go as part of my detachment? I guess the point is moot. All the scenarios of why she would be calling so late were playing through my head.

She answered and I asked her if everything was ok. She said it was and that she was sorry to have called so late. I asked if there was something she needed and she said no, so I asked if her migraine was better and she said that she was feeling better. Without anything else to say, I told her to have a nice day and we said goodbye and hung up.

I do worry about her still, but not to the crippling, obsessing extent that I used to. Thus far, she has called every day since she left last Monday. I think those are good signs because before she came back to visit it would be 2 or 3 weeks between calls to me.

[MrBond]

Those are definite good signs. You see how just letting her go actually attracts her? I mentioned your shared history and kids together. Of course that's something she can't ever get rid of. And especially since she's up there alone, she's starting to think introspectively.

You know how silence can be deafening. Well I bet it's overwhelming for her now.

Keep it up. Be nice and pleasant when she calls. Attract her back. Show her that you've forgiven her and understand the problems you both faced in the marriage without telling her. Be the understanding OM.

[PortlandDad]

Stuck, "when" I win her back (PMA at its' finest right there!) I will have you and all the other awesome folks on this board to thank for helping me along. I pray that I can sit with you and hoist a nice, cold german beer with you some day and reminisce about the times that we almost lost our W's together.

God bless each one of us!

[MrBond]

Same here buddy.

Viel glück!

[PortlandDad]

Today was mixed. She doesn't have internet at her apartment yet, so when she wants to read e-mail or catch up on her social networking, she has to go to her mom's apartment, or OM apartment. She called at 5am this morning and talked to S17 for a while. I had my ringer off, so I got about 10 minutes more sleep

Then he brought me the phone. She was in a fighting, accusatory mode. She wanted to know what the password for her internet penpals account was, as she suspected that I had been snooping around on there. I told her I didn't know (which is true), but she wasn't convinced. I just listened to her, and was pretty non-emotional (it was 5am after all). I asked her if she had read my e-mail that I sent her (from a few days back, basically thanking her for a wonderful time last week). She said that she hadn't, but would shortly.

Despite nature of the call and the heat of her accusation, I'm taking a positive view of the call: her record of calls to me every day remains unbroken. She is also now interested in her pen-pals account again (at least superficially) which is good because once she found the OM, she completely neglected her pen-pals. Maybe I'm reading too much there, but wanting to reconnect with pps might signify a diminished role for the OM and a good development for our sitch.

Anyway, today is going to be great: the sun is shining, I got to talk to my W this morning (and I calmed her down and the convo did end pleasantly), and I'm going car shopping tonight. All things considered, things are good right now.

[smith18]

I like how you have such an optimistic attitude and keep your expectations reasonable.

It is a great day in the Portland area and I wish you luck in getting a good deal on a car.

[PortlandDad]

Yesterday was beautiful; the sun was out almost all day. I didn't actually get around to car shopping, but I was surfing looking for some deals. I think I'm going to wait until the weekend to actually go to the dealers.

Me and the kids have our first family session with the C tonight. At this point, I think it is more for them than for me. I'm feeling really good lately. My S17 called my W yesterday (no surprise because he does it every day!) and talked to for about 30 mins. He said she is sounding like her old self more and more. Seems like the fog clears a little more each day...

Of course, I'm not expecting any major shifts in her position any time soon. She is very stubborn (when she wants to be) and she hates to admit that she is wrong about anything. I'm looking for a way that her coming home wouldn't be viewed as a "loss" to her. I have suggested to her in the past that since she wants to be a nurse so badly that she could start here in Oregon with a CNA certification and then build on that. Seems to me like dusting that suggestion off and presenting it as a possible way forward might be seen as a way for her to return with some dignity.

Of course, with such a beautiful sunny day yesterday, I did let my mind wander back to her for a few minutes. It actually made me smile instead of feel bad. She is an amazing woman, despite all her flaws.

Hope everyone here has a good day today!

[smith18]

The last 2 cars I bought were all dealt with using email - A Honda van from Delon down in Salem and a Hyundai from Thomason out in Clackamas. I never liked the way the in person sales guys would always go to the back room to talk to the supposed "big guy" when negotiating a price.

[PortlandDad]

I'm with you on that on KK. Buying a car is probably my least favorite shopping activity. In fact, my W was the one that negotiated and haggled the last two times we actually went shopping for a car. It was funny because the dealer started out talking to me and trying to muscle me, and wanted me to like the cars he was showing, but each time my W would speak up and start hammering back and complaining about the price, the color, etc. After a few of the go-betweens, he started going right to her instead of me.

*Ah*

It would be nice if she were here for this, but doing it myself will be liberating.

If I could, I'd rather just buy it online, but since I'm shooting for a used minivan, I'm not sure it's possible to just buy that way. I mean, I want to be able to drive it and inspect it before I'm willing to plunk down the money.

I'll be looking around online a little more today and tomorrow before I physically go anywhere.

[PortlandDad]

The record remains unbroken: she called me again yesterday. It is good to hear her voice! Even so, the day was a harder than any that I've had recently. I don't think I've cried once in the last two weeks, but yesterday I had a major breakdown. I don't even know where it came from. Maybe I've been feeling so good lately that the loneliness and sorrow just built up and exploded in me yesterday.

We had our first family counseling session yesterday. My S17 and D12 thought it was a waste of time. Me and my S13 have another one scheduled for Monday and Tuesday next week.