WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

I had an early meeting today so I'm a little late on my journaling. It helps me keep the days straight so I can review my situations and how I handled them to keep my progress going forward.

After I had gotten ready for work, I went downstairs to the family room. My youngest was sitting on my wife's lap on the sofa and my oldest was sitting on the love seat. It seemed a little odd so I walked over to my wife to find out what was going on. My wife wound up whispering in my ear that the two boys were going after each other again and my oldest didn't want to brush his teeth before he went to school.

In the past I would have yelled at my oldest to go brush his teeth but I wound up using my new approach of talking with him and off he went, up to brush his teeth. I actually surprised myself how well it worked. So I was really feeling good.

I packed his lunch bag and as I was gathering my stuff, I heard my wife yell OWWWW. I went over to her, she was holding her left breast and said our youngest smacked it (he's been punching and hitting a lot lately). She said she was surprised I didn't hear the smack. I told her all I heard was her yell and I asked if she was ok. She said her nipple stung. I was touching her back lightly and smiled and asked her if she wanted me to kiss it better. Probably crossed the line, but I was still smiling when she said no. I still thought it was funny. I just gave her a kiss on the check and walked away.

She got up and she started to complain about how her period was going. She was saying how it has just been spotting since Tuesday, and usually that happens during the first 2-3 days and then its heavy on the 4-5 days and then light again on the last 2 days. She said at least if it was heavy on the weekend it would be easier to manage. I tried to be compassionate, but I wound up asking if she was still able to wear the outfit I liked on Weds for our date this weekend. She said she would. In hindsight that was selfish of me, but I guess I just have to record that as another lesson.

She wound up fixing the collar on my shirt - she knows I like it when she does that. We kissed on the check when I left.

I used to over analyze every morning as would be concerned about what she thought or was thinking. Now I really don't care. Does it cross my mind, sure, I would be lying if I didn't. Does it get me anxious - just a little, but it doesn't get me sad or hurt.

I felt much more confident today as well when I had to give my weekly presentation to my boss. I think it showed as he seemed happy with my results. He knows about my situation, but he has been unrelentless even during the last several weeks. There were times over the last week I wanted to just storm out of the meeting saying I have bigger issues/problems to worry about than the stuff at work. This time, when he did press me, I felt I was able to handle the questions with much more poise and confidence.

I'm going to try and leave work early again to talk with the retired married couple. I had asked my wife about doings something on St. Patricks Day, but she hasn't expressed any interest/intent so yesterday I called a couple of my buddies (who don't know about my situation) to go grab some beers on Tuesday so I'm looking forward to that.

It's still a good day!