"Why tell his BMF that he wished he could be there, but not want me to know that" - would you be able to put yourself in his shoes to have a stab at figuring this out?
If he had told you this...what could / would the consequences have been?
I understand the resentfulness - its very hard to keep the flag waving for a R the other person doesn't seem to want...there's no easy answer to this.
