Wow, Stella that is some pretty heavy stuff. I have no advice, since I am still waiting for my h to return, but I am thinking of you and am excited to hear that another one returns.
Don't expect it to be easy, but I do believe it will get much better if you give your h the space to grieve and grow.
Not fair at all though. You worked so hard and this is what returns. Stay strong!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"