I just can't seem to accept this

[saffie]

Regrets,

Look at all your posts. You are obsessing about all of it - that's natural.

Yes, if you expose it you are going to piss him off....because you will be showing him publicly to be the two timing rat he is; what person wouldn't be upset by that.. Exposure in my sitch was a bit strange in that some people already new, (ie all my H's staff as OW was one of his employees), but family, friends etc didn't know.

My H told me about the A and I was the last of the four in the two couples to know - OW's H already knew but had been unable to do anything. My H told me he loved OW in the beginning of me knowing. I got so upset because I had been taken to work functions where all his staff had known he was having this aA and OW was there and I was the only one there not to know. I saw red. I told my H that I would absolutely take him to the cleaners. I was extremely forceful and outspoken with him and he knew that I would contact the directors of our Co too to talk to them about it. I also spoke to him about the practicalities of it all - we have four children so things were more complex in our situation. I also made it very clear that I loved him and that I undestood that I was not blameless in the breakdown of the M and that I wanted my M back. For me, being so outspoken was a 180.

It was nasty and very unstable for about a week. I actually tried to commit suicide and was nearly committed but my psychiatrist managed to get through to me that I needed to pull things together so I didn't risk losing my kids. He was actually great and later in the week saw my H and I together and told my H to get his act together and decide what he was going to do and stick to it. None of this going back and forth whilst he tried to commit but then creeping behind my back still seeing OW.

I know exposure seems really scary.....one cannot be sure how things will turn out. But I liken it to taking off a plaster. Exposure is like ripping it off quickly - hurts and stings like hell for a short sharp time but then gets better. Pulling it off slowly, little bit by bit, just prolongs the agony and doesn't make the outcome much different usually.

Don't forget that whilst your H is in these first throws of passion for this OW he will have rewritten your marital history in his head. My H did just the same. It took a full year from the A ending to him just saying out of the blue one day that he couldn't believe what he had done and how he had behaved. He even thought OW was so gross that he was embarrassed at his actions.

You KNOW when they are being genuine about having broken things off with OW. They will be completely transparent in their behaviour, passwords and locks on phones are no longer needed etc. etc.etc......you just know.

Your H's behaviour as you have described it indicates that he knows darn well that what he is doing is wrong - that indicates to me that exposure would actually have quite an effect on him. If you decide to expose then I would personally somehow find a way to contact OW's H - use the phone book if you know whereabouts she lives.

I can only go by my own personal experience regrets, and I see a lot of people on here who don't go the exposure route and then wish afterwards they had. Equally there are others that choose to not take that option. It's all a question of what you feel comfortable with and what you think will work.