It sucks to be me!!! #58

[AliSuddenly]

I think its that head changes versus heart changes. We can all say it here, move on, give up, let go, heal, etc.. but saying and feeling it are two differnet things. And perhaps some are better than doing it, or are faster at doing it than others. My friend Cher for example would move on very quickly, but then, she has an Aries Moon.. she, like the Mars ruled Aries, would be so impatient to move on she would probably get out a rusty blade and saw the limb off herself!

I dont doubt you will get there and feel better in time, but thats just it. More time hey.

I'm interested that your H said something to you about always getting upset, negative, hurt by things, needing reassurance, sorry I cant remember.. but it was along the lines of when you said of yourself, about being self-critical...and above:

"I am haunted by the idea "I am not good enough, I could do better". It still feels stupid."

It made me think, its not stupid.. its you. Remember we talked about Saturn? Saturn is your fears, your inner doubts, your harshest critic, your taskmaster, your cross you have to bear. For you, Saturn is in your 12th house (google that) and so its in the house of the unconcious mind..of dreams and the subconcious. So for you to say "I am haunted by the idea I am not good enough" is a pretty textbook definition of someone who has Saturn in the 12th ! And you say you havent let go because you are 'scared'.

Sorry for rambling.. basically, astrology is a pyschological tool, its tagline is "know thyself" and through knowing yourself, you can know and understand others. I would take this seriously and its not stupid, it could be the key to releasing yourself from all of this, being able to move on from him with a healthier heart and self-worth. So, I would say, read up on it, do some thinking on it, and or talk to the C some more, for what are the 'roots' of this self-doubt and fears?

Heres a good article http://koti.mbnet.fi/neptunia/essays/fear8.htm

or a more straightforward one here: http://www.bobmarksastrologer.com/twelthhouse.htm

Saturn in the 12th also needs to learn to let people in and accept help and to let their defenses down. Remember I kept telling you to let the walls down a little these past 5/6 months? You never really did it didnt seem to me, but to you you may have thought you did, because you made the effort to. Just something else to think about.

Saturn is the planet of delay, so you find that you overcome your fears as you get older, through your 40's

Anyway.. enough of my psychobabble
xxxx