What's next???? The adventure continues!!!

[AFWAW]

I actually think the lack of forgiveness may be one the reasons she has left me. I have seen her hold on to things for a long time not including what she feels towards me. She has given me numerous reasons to include freedom that she didn't have before, she claims I was controlling, mean to her son(feels I treated him poorly at times and differently than my D)--did I teat him differently?--you bet, he was a different person--could I have done a better job?--you bet--did I make mistakes?--of course--Do I have regrets about some of the things I've said and done--absolutely. She feels that I was too hard on him and never gave him the benefit of the doubt--I shared this w/ D13 because I wanted her to understand. She simply said "Why can't she just forgive you and come home?"--I told her I didn't know and couldn't make her.

Other things wife brought up--claims she was #2 to D13--hey at times she was--I gave D13 a lot of affection--it was unconditional--wife's was not--I woke up way too late on this one--In the word's of another DBer on here--if it would help save my family, I would crawl through broken glass to show her how much I love her.

The wife brought up a few more things that she claims were reasons to leave--we had been married maybe 3 years and had to drive from her parents to the airport to go overseas--it was like an 8 hour drive and she refused to drive as I not let her drive the rental car from the day prior. Anyway, she haranged the crap out of me in the car on the way and I finally got tired of hearing it, promptly pulled over and kicked her out on the highway--not my finest hour--after she walked about 20 feet, I quickly realized what I'd done, pulled up beside her and apologized profusely and convinced her to get back in the car--this was in the 1990s btw--a long time ago.

Another reason she cited was a time I had kicked her out of our house. She threatened divorce a lot in the past. She had done so on the evening previos to this incident--I didn't react to the threat that night and the next day she had seemed to have cooled off. Matter of fact, if memory serves, she was actually very pleasant. I was going to the store and asked her if she needed anything--she stated that she did and said I'm still divorcing you though. I snapped, grabbed her by the arm and promptly led her out the door. She sat outside and threatened to call the cops, ruin my career, etc--after it was over, I apologized, she did too and we made up.

Who knows what else she has stored in her mind? Hey, I'm not proud of these moments and I'm not making excuses but I never hit her or cheated on her. If someone says that they forgive you and holds on to them for years and years then I can see why she is so bitter towards me and has left.

The problem is she's not just affecting me, she's affecting my daughter. I told my D13 all of this. She said she needs to forgive you. I said, honey, I don't know what to tell you. She said well, I want to live with you.

So the bottom line is sadly that my wife is a very unhappy person who I feel has given up a husband who loves her more than she knows and would do anything to make her feel loved(this hurts the most I think, probably because I love her very much and feel like a failure for not adequately showing her in the past), a beautiful daughter who needs her mommy to come home and needs her guidance and unconditional love, an awesome house and a real chance at happiness if she wants it. She has to choose it though. I continue to pray for my wife to find the spirit of forgiveness before it is too late.