"I thought you would be behind me because of our friendship."
Austin.. our friendship is based on me "fighting" you. Because that is who I am.. and who you are. From the start.. I have "fought" you. I have "fought" the emotion that you carry. Yes I used my emotion to "fight" you.
"I thought you would support me because of you knowing where I came from and how far I've progressed and how hard I've "done work"."
I know where you came from.. and you have progressed some. I am still on the fence on how much "Do Work" has been done. I am entitled to feel that way. Even if you don't like it.
"I don't want to fight you."
And if you really look at it.. I don't want to fight you either. We could chalk this up to.. I really wanted you to talk to me. That was my goal. I have stated that many times. Bring back the "old times" when we were.. communicating.
"I'm done trying to convince anyone how bad it has been for me."
Yet at times... "anyone" has seen.. it has not been "horrible". There has been times.. you seemed "happy". Yet you discard that as you just "needed a drink".
"Sure. I am an emotional person. That's how I roll."
Do you think.. I am doing the exact same thing? This is.. how I roll.
"It's also a very emotional time for me."
This is my point. When you say that.. it just attracts "me". Usually.. when you make an "emotional" choice.. it just does not pan out.. like you thought it would. I knew walking into this.. (my post).. it was gonna stir up something.
"I'm making a choice that will always affect my children. I've struggled with this for years."
Truth be told.. I am "fighting" this exact same thing.. in a situation that is completely different.
"I know it's the right thing to do."
I still question that.
"You've got to trust me to make my own choices."
I have always wanted you to make smart choices. From the start.
But am I really supposed to trust.. the "emotion" behind your choices?
"Maybe with most people that makes sense. I am not most people. Making a mess here causes me to want to get away from the negativity of all the arguing."
You are most people. And your reaction to it shows that. At one point.. you said the "negativity" was productive. I told you it was not. If I really look at what you are saying.. you are telling me that.. I created this "drama". And I did. I did it to see how you would react.. or respond. I wanted you to "talk". The part that still concerns me some.. is you want to "hide" from it.
"I have a finite amount of emotional energy."
Me too. And to a point.. I have been told.. to "tone" it back some.. if I want to keep posting. Sound familiar?
"If I drain myself here, trying to clear up the mess, I can't be available to myself, & my kids."
I am pretty sure.. I have warned you of this.
"Whatever your intention, I wanted away from the negative energy."
Did you think it unproductive?
"Whatever you meant to do, it caused me to be very uncomfortable, & just want to avoid it all together."
I could say.. you can't hear me.
"I do remember you saying several times that my choice was wrong."
Really? Have I not said that before?
Hows that chart going?
"So being separated and living in the same house is beyond awkward."
Imagine that.
SC.. I would have so liked you to walk out of this relationship.. with your "life" intact.
That I could have supported you 100%.
I just don't like where this is going..
If that gets me labeled as a as*hole.. abuser.. You know what.. I am OK with that.
Forrest out...
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
