Lyfe, bear with me, I want to refer to a couple of things.
No conflict is an awesome 180! I think you got what I meant about the respect/contempt thing, so as critical as I think it is, I'll leave that alone. Good catch.
I think the most relevant thing I've said is "Good job judging the situation and not her...." Really... if you are standing, (and I hope you ARE,) then this is the place you need to be.
Judging HER is where you would be when you are looking towards a divorce. If that's not what you want, then DON'T. Has she done wrong? well, yes. Do you have some ownership in the failure of the M? Well...? Don't detail it here, but probably yes, even though it might be tiny comparatively, even though it might only be giving in too much. The point is, we're living in a glass house you and I, and who's to say what's the first or bigger sin, (stone.)
Own yours now, and be honest with yourself. (It hurts.)
Don't take ownership of imaginary junk. Don't take on her fault finding unless it's true.
Anyway, having said that, HELL YES meet her halfway!!!
Drop pride and meet her there. Don't be a doormat, if you have something else going on, work, family, friends, personal time, then no, she's second. (this is NOT punitive, don't make something up.)
Otherwise, the answer is yes, but don't be desperate about it.
You are accomodating her need here, and it just so happens that it MIGHT work towards your goal of saving the marriage as well.
If she wants to go to the movies, dinner, etc., then go. Together time is good time. DON'T be sappy. You should approach it as though you are a gracious man who is going out with a woman who might soon be your ex, not as the last best chance to save your M. It doesn't work that way. Relax and let it flow.
Also, DON'T be a jerk! DON'T let your anger show through. (experience knocking here!)
The line to draw is if your togetherness generates conflict about the M or about D. If that happens when you see her, then "no thanks, I'm busy," or "no thanks, I'm not comfortable with that."
If you go to XYZ with her, DON'T bring up R talk. In fact, if you get to see her at all, DON'T bring up R talk unless she does, or unless that was the original reason for the meeting.
This is pressure. (trust me, DON'T!)
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When can I talk about our M and where it is at or going?
Only when SHE does. It's not fair, it sucks, etc. But do you want to be "right" or do you want to be "loved?"
We could take up entire threads on this subject alone, but it boils down to this, "you don't get to bring it up w/o being the bad guy, and you only get to talk about it when she wants to."
To make it really sink in, count how many old-timers here dispute what I just wrote about us bringing up R talk.
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Like is said she is a tit for tat kind of person, and with that said, I am not sure what to do. If I don't respond or meet her half way, she will say she tried. Then again this could be a search for another excuse to leave; her trying and me not.
Ok, seriously, take a step back for a second. Forget this Abott and Costello sort of I know that you know that I know that you know.....
YOU are going to be the bad guy in her mind NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO! Forget that! Yes, she is looking for reasons. If she REALLY wants to see you, then it will be a "wash," or a "positive," in her mind. (as long as you're not an A$$.) If she's pimping you to be the bad guy anyway, then you don't go, you're an A$$, you do go, she starts a fight with you about the D, and you're an A$$. Doesn't matter.
Do yourself a favor and unload about 16 tons of number nine coal from yourself on this and let it go. It really does feel like 16 tons when you finally do.
DUDE, She asked you to a movie! Jump on that. Yes, you should take each opportunity that is offered to interact with her on a positive note... NO, you should NOT try the whole manipulation bit with "I'll see you," "I won't see you."
If you are standing, then see her. I haven't read anything from you that would make me say not to.
Having said that, on th off chance that she is fishing for a conflicting situation, one talent I wish I had learned a LONG time ago is to be able to stop in the middle of conflict and say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm not going to argue with you about this." and walk away. If you find yourself in conflict, srop it, and walk away.
I don't think she was though.
I know that it would be about like sticking a fork in your cheek to call her and ask her out, but maybe an easy way to do it would be to call her and say something like "I had a lot on my mind about my dad the other night when you called me, would you still like to go to the movies?"
If she declines, then understand that the MLC alien changes hourly at times, and be gracious, not needy or insistant.
Also, JMHO, if she wants to call and talk about nothing, then humor her if you have nothing else going on, but not if you do. It's a little bit of a tease, but not in a teasing spirit. This lets her know that you still love her enough to humor her, but that if you have laundry to do, or a family engagement, or a show to catch, that she, (someone outside the household,) comes second.%0
