That was what I was getting at when I sent my last post to you Lan. Dropping the rope even though you two are still in the same house. Now when I say what I am about to say, don't get the wrong idea and I hope other people won't b/c I do not believe in dating while still M or going out with the opposite sex to make the spouse jealous and all of that stuff. But, if she thinks it is fine for her to have friends of the opposite sex and keep them a secret from you, then shouldn't you have the same priviledge? At least I would be tempted to say that to her and leave her wondering if-----when you get all buffed up and looking and smelling great....if you were going to meet some friend of the opposite sex. I would be tempted when she asked you where you were going, to tell her you were meeting a friend and really emphsize the word "friend". If she started with the questions about if it was somebody she knew or if it was a female.......I would just smile and not say anymore. I know that is mean to a point, but the "point" is what you are wanting her to get! It is not alright for her to have secret friends, and not for you! Of course, you don't go meet a woman......but you go out and do something that you enjoy doing. You are right, Lan, you got away from GAL. That is the downfall of so many when they get into "Piecing the M back together" is they stop doing all those things they did to draw the wife back to them and they start letting their personal life slide. Then first thing you know, it is right back to the way it was before.
The fact that she feels that she got away with her other A is not good. Especially this crap about it is alright for her to have male friends you don't know. I can't get over that way of thinking for a M woman! She might as well advertize in the paper for an A.
Anyway, I believe you should not take one ounce of crap off of her and go about your life as if you could care less what she does. Stay busy doing things without her, instead of doing like you did before and trying to be "Mr. Fun Guy" and pull her into doing fun things with you and the kids. Just leave her alone and leave her out as if you don't need her at all. But now here is the trick........you are never rude to her. You are never mean or talk ugly to her. But remember, just b/c she asked questions......you don't have to answer her. That is what makes you mysterous to her and it will start bugging the daylights out of her wondering what you are doing and if she has pushed you too far this time, etc.
When I said not to be rude or mean or talk ugly, I think you know what I am saying. When she trys to talk, just keep your answers very short, but not ugly. If she says something that sounds like a time you could point out that if it is good for her to do then why not you.......I don't know that I wouldn't try it. Ordinarily, I would not advise anyone to do that, but this has been going on for too long and you have done all of that and here you are back at the beginning. So, I think you should certainly take a different path this time. But as you said, you have to know for sure this is the way you want to proceed.
I have been thinking about you and hoping things would get better. You deserve much more than this.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
