Well, you know, in one of the very few times that she gave me any insights into her preferences regarding sex ... it was just a few weeks ago. I was putting some moves on her, gently kissing her back as we lay in bed, when she became sort of frustrated.
"Just grab me rough, and take me," she said. "Can you do that?"
I was surprised. Then I did it. I try to be more forceful now, but I'm not good at it. Sometimes she wants the sensitive guy who gives her backrubs and cherishes her. Other times, she wants Captain Jack. Arrr. She doesn't drop clues as to which mode we're in. And I'm too dense apparently to pick up on the hints (if the hints/clues indeed do exist).
This is sounding *very* familiar to me, Gary, and has been a common theme experienced by several of the "recovering Nice Guys" here in this forum, including myself. For some insight into what is going on, read through my post on Sexual Archetypes from last year.
You're also reminding me of another exchange (further back in the same thread) between DanceQueen and myself regarding wifes who are attracted to Bad Boys, but who end up marrying Nice Guys instead --> and as a result find themselves sexually unattracted and unresponsive to the man they pledged themselves to. There is good news, however. You CAN change yourself enough to start being the "pirate" your wife finds sexually attractive (in my wife's case, I call them "rakes"), while not betraying your own self or values. In other words, you CAN learn to be both the dominating Bad Boy in the bedroom, while still maintaining yourself as the responsible father and husband outside of the bedroom. And you might be surprised to see how the change in the bedroom affects your relationship (and your own self-esteem) in a positive way all around.
Welcome to the Manning-Up! Club, Gary.
Take care,
Bagheera
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
