25, Thanks again for keeping it real with me. I am DBing now, I am staying calm, trying to be patient (and doing so right now), working on myself.
And I have done lots of inward searching about my role and I take most of the blame for this whole mess we are in. I caused her to feel the way she felt and caused her to be empty and fill that need elsewhere. Now she was wrong for going outside the M for that, but I understand the "why" and how I affected that. We both had a hand in it, but I know from the bottom of my heart had I not neglected her feelings and been emotionally absent and sometimes cruel, she would have been by my side forever.
I still believe that someday she will be again, but nonetheless I have to work on me for me and make her realize I am still the person she loved and will become even better. And if she doesn't realize it, someone else will. That is a hard thing to think about, but I do realize that at some point if this doesn't work out, then I will move on with my life and be better for it. I am really grateful that I stumbled onto this site and met all of you. I don't relish the reasons we are all together, but I do thank God for meeting all of you every night.
Jaguilar,
Thanks for posting here and yes I have read the DR (most of it) I read through Chapter 9 and then read 10. Still need to read 11-14. I know the principles and just need to start following them. I am getting there slowly but surely. You need to start a thread so I can keep up with you! I will be praying for you and your family!
Update:
Went to eat pizza with W and kids for S bball party. W and I sat together and talked nicely about regular stuff. She wasn't feeling too good and I was sympathetic to her for that. She looks absolutely stunning and I complemented her on how she looked. Man after seeing her tonight I really didn't need to hear what the MC said today about ML (not that it was gonna happen anyway) but DANG she looked good. Anyway, we had a good night and then after party she took the kids to the bball game that I mentioned earlier in the thread. She texted me just a bit ago and said D called OM from her phone so in case I looked at records I would see the call. I have no reason to doubt this b/c the kids love OM and don't have any idea of what went on. I texted her back and said that it was fine. I then texted her again (2x4?) and told her that I appreciated her telling me that but it doesn't matter anymore because I am not going to look at her phone records. I am going to trust her and said that I doubt she believes me because I have given her no reason to trust that based on me freaking out and checking everything and then calling her out on it. But I said that all I can do is start over and try to earn back that trust over time. I also told her that I know my actions and words have differed on my trying to change and be a better me and I said that will change now in that the words and actions will be united. Lastly I said that I appreciated her going to counseling and doing what she can.
You can bring out the 2x4's on that, but it was sincere and I don't feel like I was being pushy or pursuing. But you guys are better judges on this than me. Swing away!
