I think he's trying to be supportive too. It's something- especially if it's difficult for him to make it to yours early after work. Supportive is good.
Gosh.. finally he steps up in some way and offers to inconvenience himself so that you can have it a bit easier and get off to work.. wow! Thats great, I am glad he is being less mean and also, more supportive. Also, I am a little envious yuo got to pour yuor feelings out in an email to him as I cant seem to do that, but its very healthy for you. Seeing as he then insisted on helping with K, I guess he must have really listened to what you said (or perhaps, like he said, he jist wanted to see his sick D).
My goodness K, I have been trying to figure out how to post to you for the last 2 days and can't get my head wrapped around what I am wanting to say. So I shall just wing it a bit and we can figure it out from there.......
I have always been a person who believes that there are many ways to heal yourself from the situation that brings you to this place. While I understand that the objective and goal is to salvage every marriage I cannot help but to point out sometimes that not every person gets the healing and personal growth from the same results.
I consider myself a success.... I consider FIB a success... I consider Lissie a success, and the list could go on forever here.... the common thread, none of us saved our marriages. We instead saved ourselves. The fact of the matter is when marriages come to the point that brings us here, we get the opportunity to explore ourselves as well as our partners. We have the amazing opportunity to discover what path we should take to find true happiness.
When the conclusion comes clear that our marriages are over and we must move on it is sad. It is sad because our ideals, our morals, our convictions, and our commitment suddenly come into question within ourselves. For some of us it actually delays the inevitable and we wait to accept/move forward because in a strange way it is basically us having to face what we deem as a failure on our parts.
I myself knew, in my heart and soul, that I was done with my marriage and it was over in July of last year. I did not take the actual steps to progress the divorce for several months after. While our situations are every different, I believe that our delaying of the inevitable is the same.
What we want to happen, and what is meant to happen can be very different things sweetie. In order for our vision of marriage to work we must have a partner who believes in the same things that we do when it comes to commitment and true devotion to a marriage. I believe that the reality of what your H brings to the table does not meet what you want in your marriage right now and I also believe you have know that for some time now.
I give you huge kudos for continuing the battle even when you could see that the odds were not good. You have absolutely nothing to hang your head for and I know that in time the pain will subside and you will be the great and wonderful woman that I have come to know with an amazing future laid out before you.
I hope that my ramblings make sense to you.... catch me sometime on the other world and we can chat.....
Ian, I know what you are telling me. You are telling me this is not healthy for me anymore and I have got to realise it and let go...
I am thinking the same thing. Yesterday, while we were having lunch, I realised the reason we are in this sitch for so long is that neither one of us has the courage to pull the trigger. For a while, a long while, my hesitation, my denial to do it was because I loved him soooo much, for him it was the feeling of not being sure about his choices.
Now, we both are scared to say this is the end because it will mean, we are entering the next phase of our lives, a phase where we will no longer be able to accuse each other for our unhappiness...
I am still having a hard time with this. Maybe it is what my C said. I am haunted by the idea "I am not good enough, I could do better". It still feels stupid. K
Now, we both are scared to say this is the end because it will mean, we are entering the next phase of our lives, a phase where we will no longer be able to accuse each other for our unhappiness...
You're sad right now, Kalni mou, everything is about to change for you, but you're going to make yourself happy, and very soon, too!
After all that suffering one looks at the debris of former life and wonders: is THAT what has kept me miserable and in pain for such a long time? I did my best and sacrificed a year, or two, or more, trying to save that life and it just wasn't possible. Am I willing to sacrifice even more?
Or am I ready to move on and BREATHE?
It is not exactly what's happening in my life right now, but I'm having such thoughts, and more often recently. What does it take to finally cut off the festering limb and start healing, why should it be so hard?
((((Maria mou))))
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
I think its that head changes versus heart changes. We can all say it here, move on, give up, let go, heal, etc.. but saying and feeling it are two differnet things. And perhaps some are better than doing it, or are faster at doing it than others. My friend Cher for example would move on very quickly, but then, she has an Aries Moon.. she, like the Mars ruled Aries, would be so impatient to move on she would probably get out a rusty blade and saw the limb off herself!
I dont doubt you will get there and feel better in time, but thats just it. More time hey.
I'm interested that your H said something to you about always getting upset, negative, hurt by things, needing reassurance, sorry I cant remember.. but it was along the lines of when you said of yourself, about being self-critical...and above:
"I am haunted by the idea "I am not good enough, I could do better". It still feels stupid."
It made me think, its not stupid.. its you. Remember we talked about Saturn? Saturn is your fears, your inner doubts, your harshest critic, your taskmaster, your cross you have to bear. For you, Saturn is in your 12th house (google that) and so its in the house of the unconcious mind..of dreams and the subconcious. So for you to say "I am haunted by the idea I am not good enough" is a pretty textbook definition of someone who has Saturn in the 12th ! And you say you havent let go because you are 'scared'.
Sorry for rambling.. basically, astrology is a pyschological tool, its tagline is "know thyself" and through knowing yourself, you can know and understand others. I would take this seriously and its not stupid, it could be the key to releasing yourself from all of this, being able to move on from him with a healthier heart and self-worth. So, I would say, read up on it, do some thinking on it, and or talk to the C some more, for what are the 'roots' of this self-doubt and fears?
Saturn in the 12th also needs to learn to let people in and accept help and to let their defenses down. Remember I kept telling you to let the walls down a little these past 5/6 months? You never really did it didnt seem to me, but to you you may have thought you did, because you made the effort to. Just something else to think about.
Saturn is the planet of delay, so you find that you overcome your fears as you get older, through your 40's
Anyway.. enough of my psychobabble xxxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Hey ali, (sorry to hijack K) I am going from a non believer to at least getting interested in this astrology stuff....how do i find out what planet is in my twelfth house?
Hey John... register for free on the worlds leading astrology website.. http://www.astro.com. I've been using it for 15 years. You can enter your birth details under the My Astro tab on the menu and once you have, check out your chart anaylysis under sections under the 'Free Horoscopes' tab, like "Astro Click Potrait" - and you can find out where Saturn is and what that means. This is the glyph for Saturn.
Al, what's happening in the next couple of days? I have this funny feeling suddenly. I feel this wave of optimism coming back and I can almost feel like Sunshine again!! It is weird. As I told John, I cant put my finger on it yet. Just a feeling. Maybe I am just going crazy. Who knows? I think my mind has the right to surrender at some point. And I dont look good in white robes... K
Hi K...You ARE going crazy !!! Uranus is exact conjunct the Sun today - both IN PISCES and is 'resonating' now and over weekend.. like a charged up electric voltage coursing through us. We are 'electric fish' (Uranus 'rules' electricity, its like an on/off switch and is symbolised by the lightning bolt and flashes of inspiration, creativity and sudden change). Read Priya Kale today.
I cant concentrate on anything, I cant eat, I couldnt sleep last night, I feel 'on', I feel a sense of.. well, I could be imagining it, but Uranus is the planet of crazy, change, excitement and unexpected events.
Also for me.. Uranus is exact conjunct the sun today on my Mercury (planet of the mind).. I feel like I AM crazy, not going crazy !!! Cart me off now in the little van with the men in white coats.. absolutely.
Also...action planet Mars moves into Pisces tommorow, to join Mercury there and Uranus continues to conjunct the Sun in Pisces over the weekend. So with these 4 planets in Pisces, we are alive!
God I wish something exciting (Uranian) WOULD happen.
