"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
First off the latest news: W responded to my "ultimatum" email (see end of thread 5) simply by saying, "I almost have dissolution papers ready."
I thought to myself - completely ignore the man that has given his life for you, completely ignore the fact that your kids want you to be with their dad, completely ignore life, and simply talk about what YOU want.
Sigh, I should know better by now, but it's still pathetic.
It's frustrating too because I'm starting to see glimpses of the real W - not this sad facade she has pulled over herself. I think it's getting harder and harder to justify this silly world she's enveloping herself in. Poor girl.
So, I emailed her back, and said that I would give her a week. I also said that I wanted to be clear that I believe dissolution and divorce are wrong for our family, but I would file divorce if I had to.
I said this, and it's so true - after the divorce I would have NOTHING to do with her except where absolutely necessary for the best interest of the kids, because when anyone hurts me or my kids, I will take action appropriately. I sometimes forget the real victims in this are my kids, and the hurt they have felt, and are still feeling - and will feel for a long time to come.
I then thanked her for her time, and said I looked forward to receiving her dissolution papers.
MY FEELINGS: I am doing very very well. When I first saw her response, I had a moment where my stomach went all weird, but as soon as I saw how her response was worded, I just shook my head.
I think it was AmyM that said she would take her husband back, even after divorce, but he would be a changed man. I'm sort of the same way: I would take W back, but she would have had to "shed" this weird skin she has pulled over her. I'm really not pushing divorce at this point for her, it's for ME.
I'm ready for divorce - I hate it, and it hurts even now, especially seeing where W's facade is starting to wear thin. But, who knows how long that would take?
And I cannot sit by and let my children believe that the relationship that W is carrying on with OM is right in any way. I love it so much that W tries to have OM over, and bring his kids so that it's all "fun and giggles" and the kids still say they want us together.
Just makes this decision of mine feel that much better. W knows that OM is not even her type, she knows the kids want us together, and she knows what she's doing is wrong. Period.
I am not having any second thoughts, I don't regret the decision. I asked God to check me or stop me if it was in ANY way wrong, and I felt peace and very clear about it.
Maybe W will hand me dissolution papers tomorrow.
WRAPPING UP: My last communication to her will be to give her back my ring. I will thank her for her promise that the ring represented, and the time that she kept it. I really want to suggest to her that she be more careful the next time she makes the promise, but I'm taking the high road.
Then, unless it is in reference to the kids, I have no plans to ever speak to her again. Ever. She will cease to exist to me.
But didn't you get the memo...? She can blow up the family and you and she will still be fabulous friends and this is the best for everyone?
Take care
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
{{{{JD}}}} LOVING the new thread and the new YOU that has come along with it!! You know, cause we've talked on the alt, how AMAZING I think it is that you did this..but just wanted to get it on record here too
I'm so glad you are doing well and glad that she at least responded to you.
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I'm happy to hear you're happy with the decision. I know it was difficult to get here but I hope you're at peace having turned the corner.
I know, they somehow don't get that "we will not be friends" means we will not be friends. xBF complained to his best friend that I wasn't talking to him anymore. Uh, yeah. I said I'm not friends with any of my exes. You're one of my exes. Therefore I have nothing to say to you. Guess that A fog really messes up the reasoning center.
Hope you're having fun bowling!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Hi JDollie. I can totally understand the feeling you got when your W wrote back about the dissolution papers. I'm trying to not project forward as I often do - but I sometimes think of when we will tell the kids that we are separating and what their reaction is going to be. In that mix is the fear of taking another step toward D.
I can only hope that I will be emotionally ready to take those steps when they arise.
My W also has a fantasy about how things will be if we go through with the D. Just last weekend I took the kids to my sisters house. She has 2 D and my W is very fond of them. It was my younger neice's birhday and my W of course missed out on it.
The next day my W made a comment - "I have to find a way where I can see ----- and ------. I thought to myself, "I don't think that's going to happen. My sister is really pissed off at my W for what she is doing and I don't think she'll let either one of her D's to be around my W. So she has this fantasy and it doesn't really match reality.
There's a malfunction.
It's like my C told me last night. My W has to paint this rosey picture of the future because if she was projecting out reality it would throw a wrench into what she is doing. It helps them justify their decision. But it's only a false thinking that will crumble when reality hits.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
I'm very happy today - I'm focused, energetic, excited about the weekend. I will be signing off for the weekend, so will see everyone Monday.
I thought I would be torn apart right now, but I'm doing very well.
I'm content with my decision and feel like I'm moving on with my life. It's odd to feel that way - I haven't given up on W, and I sense movement in her, but it's good to know that it doesn't affect me.
Obviously, I would love my family to be whole, but that's up to God at this point, so I'm good to go!
