It's been a long time and i'm not really sure where i fit in... I'm not a newcomer, i haven't been for a long time, but i'm not technically seperated and not divorced... this is probably the most appropriate place for me, but i'm not sure... oh well!
long story short, M sucked. H was emotionally abusive. Critical and jealous and paranoid. i was lonely, sad broken and quiet about it. I'm not in love with H so suddenly, H wanted a D... then i had an EA... then H changed his mind, but i didn't stop EA until he found out about it. I was an almost WAW.
We were going to work on it. things go from bad to semi-ok, to worse, to even worse, to ok, to bad again. I have no feelings/love left for him. He gets a GF, more of a friend with benefits. That ends abruptly. H wants to work it out. ok, we'll try. the BS never changes.
He's the same man he has always been, but i've changed. Now i've asked for a D. Not to get a reaction or hurt him, but because it's been a long time coming and i know it's whats best for everyone (maybe not him, he had it pretty good).
We still live together and kinda have a weird friendship thing going on. H is trying desperately to win me back, it's a lost cause. i've told him that and he doesn't seem to care. He's amazing for a couple weeks, but now we are fighting every day again. Over stuff that doesn't even matter because this is over... I'm just done fighting and arguing. he's not going to change, he'll try for a minute, but not long term. i need that.
In the last 11 years, he's all i've known. All i've known is the fighting, the arguing, the hatred, the bitterness... For so long i let things go because of the girls or because i didn't want to see him hurt or because i was scared. I'm not scared anymore. i'm strong, i'm a good mom and a good woman. He realized it too late and obviously doesn't really even care.
So, here i am, back at the DB threads... I guess just wanting to hear from people that are going through it too, that it'll all work out. I want to read stories that might help me through this... it's my decision, it's the right one, but that doesn't make it an easy process...
I never wanted this for my marriage and i busted my butt to try and prevent this, but there is only so much i can do alone.
I hope everyone else here is finding happiness...
take care ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
