You asked: "Can you tell us anything you know about her A's as far as, is there any pattern you can see? What was she getting out of it? Do you know anything about what actually "happened" once they entered the physical part of the A? I'm sorry that these questions might really hurt you to think about, so just skip them if its too painful. All I am really trying to do is get an idea of what she keeps chasing outside the marriage and help you to develop whatever "that" is, so maybe she will chase you one day."
The pattern is clear: 1) I become absorbed in an outside project, 2) her insecurities kick in and she feels neglected, 3) she starts partying (and going out drinking with friends), 4) I get angry with her but we don't really talk about it much (and an ice wall grows between us), and 5) she hooks up with some worthless pirate who nonetheless parties like a champ.
She seems to derive some pleasure from the worthlessness represented by these *#$@%&+s. I'm not a pirate. I'm a decent guy. But in her mind, that ain't no fun! We do indeed have a bit of a problem in that area. Thanks for bringing up this issue.
She did indeed chase me during our initial courting (nearly two decades ago). She made it quite clear that she wanted me as her husband. I had my doubts about the wisdom of our union, but no one had ever really wanted me in their life before, not like she wanted me in hers. This was attractive to me. So we got married. I suspect she knew all along that I didn't really make her burn with passion. She burned for pirates. But she's smart and she knew she couldn't marry a pirate. So she chose someone who was stable, who could be a good father, who could give her a good life. Still, I suspect, she misses the pirates, and yes, occasionally longs for the pirates.
Not sure how to make her really long for me. In her mind, I'll always be the opposite of a pirate. The anti-pirate.
But you know, I could be misinterpreting her entirely. She's filled with contradictions. I'm doing my best to describe her and her desires. But she won't really talk to me about this stuff. I can only make assumptions and guesses.
me: 50 w (waw): 45 daughter: 9 m: 16 t: 19 bomb: 9/26/08 status: physical separation for 7 weeks, then work-in-progress R
