Newly Seperated - What To Do?

[Uncool Cat]

Hey Folks,

I'm not sure who's reading this anymore since I haven't heard from anyone since my last update. I met with my DB Coach Monday night. I don't know about the other coaches, but mine really is kind-of like a coach. What I mean is there's not much sympathy there. In a way it's like she's getting me to "man-up," like an old basketball coach of mine. She's tough.

Anyway, I'm doing the best I can to follow what she says to the letter. When I think about things logically and with a clear head, I guess things are going alright. Things haven't really gotten any worse in the last week or so. Although the only victory I can point to is that she told me "thank you" one time.

On Tuesday night I did ask my W if she had seen a lawyer. She said that she had. I waited. She said nothing. I finally said, "Well?"

And she said "Well what?"

I said, "That's OK you obviously don't want to share anything with me anymore." I started to leave. I wasn't trying to storm out, but I'll admit that I wasn't exactly Mr. Happy either.

She said, "What is it you'd like to know?"

I said, "Well if something is going to happen to me, I'd like to know."

The coversation opened up a little from there. She said that she had taken our financials to the lawyer. She also said that she had asked the lawyer about the house - me using it as collateral etc. for the business loan. She asked the lawyer this despite the fact that I had already told her that I wouldn't do that. I told her she didn't have to worry about loosing the house. Ironically, if she divorces me, she'll lose the house anyway.

The disrespect with her just blows my mind. I honstly couldn't tell you what I would need to do to earn her respect. I've tried to think about things that I have been irresponsible about, and I'll admit that early in our marriage I was irresponsible about more than a few things. But, I haven't been that way for years.

Here's an example. She hasn't asked me to pay the bills at home since out first year of marriage. I have offered to pay them, and I wanted to take it over, but she resists. Yet I currently own an insurance agency that handles over 2 million in premium a year. I have yet to get behind on a payment or a single billed owed at work.

I'm sorry. I'm ranting at this point. I admit that I'm still angry at her. I'm doing everything I can to let go and forgive, but it's hard.

What's really frustrating is going dark. I haven't called or e-mailed in days. Really only one phone call and one serious conversation in 31 days. You would think at some point that she would want to talk about something - anything. I really think our roles have reversed as far as communication. I'm the woman and she's the man.

OK, on to something positive. My coach told me to bring a book ("How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk") over to the house the next time I keep the boys there. Then let the W catch me reading it. I'll be trying that next Tuesday 03/17. She also told me to pick up a kids cookbook, and make a meal with my two boys. I won't be able to do that this Tuesday, but I will on 03/24. Man that seems like a long time away. At least it gives me time to plan.

That's it for my update. Hope to hear from someone. Thanks for reading.