Once again, I lead he follows. After our heated and mean discussions, after me having a hard time yesterday, I managed to control my feelings today. I have been OK and calmed down a lot. And since our D is sick and he has been calling, our phone calls our pretty civil.
When he found out I had to stay home with her so my dad doesn't come in contact with her (my parents couldnt babysit), he sounded guilty he didnt come over to watch her until the babysitter comes. I said it was no problem and 30 mins later he called and asked if I needed anything, he was on the way here. I told him he didnt have to, since I stayed and he said "I want to see my daughter". I backed off and he arrived. I asked him to take her to the doctor while I would go pick up my son. He did that and did some others things with her as well (bought her a dvd and returned one I had rented).
Then he said he would stay for lunch with us as if nothing ever happened. He did. He left later and has called at least 3 times since. My D has fever but doc said she is fine, just a virus.
A few minutes ago he called and asked what time he should be here tomorrow so I can go to work. I told him around 9 and asked how could he do it since he works so late and he lives 45 mins away. He would have to wake up very early to manage. He said it wont be a problem so I agreed.
Maybe I am wrong but I think he tries to be supportive. I did send him an email last night, not a mean one, an email about my feelings, a lot of goodbyes and explaining my anger. I did say there that the responsibilities of the kids feel huge to me and I asked him to remember that from now on. I also said, that ironically he pushed me away fearing of rejection, overlooking the fact that I have been accepting him the way he is, and the proof was that I have been fighting for us, choosing every single day to love him still despite of the choices he has made.
It wasnt a make up letter. On the contrary. But I feel his reaction today is a response to that.
His needs, Her needs and How to improve your M without talking about it arrived today. I ordered these books 20 days ago. I guess I should still read them for future reference... K
