WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

Yep you definitely get the orange belt from the DB dojo.

There were three key things that happened last night that you should jot down mentally:
1) You told her you were not a mindreader which she actually listened to by clarifying about the foot rub.
2) She initiated the spending time together and not you. And you would have been fine either way if she didn't.
3) You were doing things that made YOU happy and not her.

Great job!

I wouldn't worry about an OM in the picture. Your W has been very good at telling you what she's doing and doing what you've asked her. When my W was going through the OM stage, she was secretive, defensive and quick to anger like she was just looking for a fight.

But your W has been very transparent which is why we all believe that you have a great shot at saving your M.

Keep it up!

Stuck808,

Thanks for the optimism relative to saving the marriage. I'm still not feeling optimistic about the marriage but I am gaining more confidence that I will be able to be happy and enjoy life whatever direction it heads down.

I do get sad about my kids, but I know that the way best thing for them as well is for me to be strong - not a nice guy nor the macho guy, but the integrated man.

I am sorry to hear about your situation and her behavior. What my wife seems to have been trying to do though is to push my buttons to get me mad/upset. My therapist/our counselor and I feel like she's trying to do that so she can justify staying mad/angry. It is hurtful when she does things like that, it's starting to seem silly/chlidish to me now when she does things like that.

You have really given me a lot of tools/advice on how to handle these situations. I do appreciate your input and support.

Thanks!