What do you think about letting H know that reconciling is still a possibility but only after counseling, and then only talk to each other at those sessions, not in between? I think you are feeling the overwhelming task of what would need to be done in order to repair and a mediator to help the talks you would need to have would probably be in order. You would both have to commit to only talking at these sessions as well as his total transparency to you so that you wouldn't be doing all of this for naught if he was still seeing OW.
I remember the overwhelmimg feeling I had with just having to talk about the affair. I knew then that the only way we could do that is if we did so with a counselor to help us through it. You have more to talk about than just the affair even. I can't imagine doing that without any help.
