Based on my gut I went email snooping, Now I realize this is a no no, but I feel like I need the full story right now in order to protect myself and no how to proceed with my life.
So here is a little back ground if you haven't read any of my precious posts.
My wife has lost about 50lbs., and began to go to concerts without me. Now, I get pannicky in big crowds so I had been declining her invitations to go with her, Huge mistake whick I fully regret now!
So she doesn't really have any friends, what that means is that she has never really got along to well with her female friends for one reason or another, in my opinion she chooses females that are not the best quality.
So back in december 2008 she was talking to a group of friends about wanting to go to a concert but she had no one to go with. Well on of the people there is this guy who is sort of a friend to me but is really more of a friend to her. The reason he is really more of a friend to her is because my wife is a daycare provider to his kids. I don't really see him often but obviously she does. So this guy expressed interest in oing to this concert and they made tentative plans to do so in my presence. So i didn't think there was any issue with it at that point.
So during the month of december I began to just start to act and be how I wanted our relationship with my wife they way I wanted our relaionship to be. Another words we were having issues and some of the issues were about how we were around each other on a daily basis. So I began to just give her random hugs, you know just be more affectionate and loving. She seemed receptive to this, but there were times were it just felt awkward.
So very ealy in Jan. 2009, after another morning of her leaving the house in a huff and not saying goodbye to me or she loved me I decided to confront her with what I was feeling. I had also in the back of my mind do to this awkawrdness and her coldness began to wonder if she was done with me or having an affair or what, I just didn't know what to think.
So that night I told her how I had been trying to change the vibe in the house and be more affectionate and loving, but I was getting wierd feelings from her. I asked if she was done with our relationship or was she having or wanting to have an Em, basically I wanted to know what was going on for her. I also told her that my gut was sending me weird signals about this guy she was going to the concert with.
This obviously made were very angry and deffensive, she said nothing was going on with the guy, but gave me no real reply about my concerns about where she stood with our realionship.
Six days went by with no reply, then on the sixth day while getting ready in the morning she brought up a band that was going to be in concert. thinking nothing I said oh ya, are you thinking about going. She pauses, then tells me she already bought tickets. I respond oh ya, do you know who you are going to go with? She responds after another pause, yes I am going with the guy, I will call him Matt. A cold rush ran over my boddy, I then asked when she bought the tickets, she told me two days earlier, further panick in my mind and body now. I then asked her when she planned on telling me, she responded by saying she just did. I said no you weren't planning on telling me now I just pulled the info out of you. She said that given our last talk and the fact that she doesn't feel safe telling me stuff in fear of how I will react that she didn't know when she was planning ion telling me. She asked if I had a problem with it and I replied, put yourself in my shoes given the concerns I had been having. Then she left to go to work.
Two days later is when she dropped the bomb that she wants us to seperate.
A few days after that she told me she was angry about my suspicion about the guy because she doesn't have any friends, I won't go to the concert with her and now I am trying to ruin the one thing in her life right now, concerts and music. She told me there is nothing going on with this guy, he is just someone she can be friends with that shares the same love of music and concerts.
I did my best at that point to believe her, but now in that same conversation she tells me that I need to start telling the people in my life, friends and family that we are going to separate. The guy, matt, is also friends with my best freind and my best freinds wife. So my wife is concerned that I will tell my friend and his wife of my concerns about her and matt, she told me she doesn't want them to go to matt and talk about my issues and ruin any possibility of having matt back out of the concert or make him feel awkaward if he goes. So I agreed to respect her concern, trying to show that I believe her words that there is nothing there other than her desire to go to a concert and just have a good time because this is one of the way she is trying to take care of herself to make herself happy. She then says she needs to go for a drive for some time for herself. Later that night I told her I wanted to call the guy matt because he got devorced last year due to his WAW who left him and their kids for an affair with another man. I said it would be nice for me to talk to someone who had gone through a situation wher is wife had left him and I could use some good advice cuz he seems like a good enough guy because he has been a great father to his kids and so on. She didnt like the idea. So the next day she tells me she called matt to tell him she wants me out of the house so we could separate. I asked he why she preempted my talk with him. she said for the same reason as before she didn't want him to feel awkward and either not want to go to the concert or be awkard and not have a good time when they wer there.
I never did talk to him, although a few weeks ago he called and left me a nessage that he would like to talk to me cuz he could have really used a friend at the time he was ging through this.
I never called him though.
Then today I looked at her email, I know this in a non no, but Imy gut feeling about this guy has not been good. Yesterday I say that she had been looking at picutes if him on facebook, which sent up a red flag.
So this morning I looked at her email and say that she has been emailing him on a regular basis. In fact she has been talking to him about concerts and she has been buying tickeets to concerts and asked him if he would like to go. In ine of the emails he says to her, " would it be bad if he went to the concert with her? He then said, he just dosn't want to make waves with me(sad09)" and then asks what the date of the conctert is again. In the next email from her to him she says,"you probably can't ask her if it wuld be bad for him to go to the concert. Seeing as she is the one trying to get him to go. So the answer to wether it would make waves with me is but she wants to go to the concert with him any ways."
In the next email which was on monday march 9 she says, " I havn't said anything to me(sad09) about the concert yet. I don't think he has seen any of my numerous tickets that I have purchased in the last couple of weeks. I don't know what to say to him about it cuz it's gonna be painful. Honeltly I doubt there would be anyway to make it ok with him. I'm trying to work it out in my head. That's why I say save the date... it will work out I'll talk to you about it more tomorrow. I'm sorry that this is awkward for you. I know things were different when I asked you to go the other concerts. Not what you signed up for :)"
I'll talk to you about it more tomorrow. I'm sorry that this is awkward for you. I know things were different when I asked you to go the other concerts. Not what you signed up for :)"