Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well. It's been so long since I've posted, I thought I'd give everyone who knows my threads an update.
Things are going well here. We are beginning our "out processing" from this base. We will leave the beginning of Jan. and will be going to Ohio (Wright Patterson AFB). We will be there for about a year and then move to NY where I will start teaching and H will stay home w/our youngest for about a year and a half until she starts school. Older D will be starting Kindergarten when we get to NY. H will retire in 2005, after he stays w/younger D, he will get a job. I want him to experience the joys of staying home with at least one of our kids. Mostly, it's a pleasure, but sometimes I just want to bang my head against a wall, LOL, I'm sure some of you stay at home parents know what I mean!
Anyway, I've been going to my spouses club meetings once a month, walking every morning 2 miles with my neighbor, going out every other weekend for one day on my own, chatting with the other wives when H gets home after work to watch the kids, etc. I've been so busy with the kids, and my own growing social life that I didn't see H getting lonely.
Anyway, yesterday he said "I want us to spend more time together, we don't even have to talk, just sit together like we used to". WOW!!! How long have I been waiting to hear something like that!?! Immediately, I started having "old jill" thoughts.
A. He truly misses me and wants more time with me (good thing!!) OR... B. He wants to spend time with me to see if he still loves me. C. He doesn't love me anymore and is trying to force himself to love me again. D. He is feeling guilty/maybe he has another woman??
Ugh. Anyway, I started freaking out in my own head and asked him why he wanted to spend time with me. LOL
I mean, we have spent time together with the kids and alone, but it's been very rare during the last month. He's got school two nights a week and half day Sat., and I've got some of my own activities.
I never thought he'd actually miss the time he spends with me. When he dropped the bomb, he didn't want to be near me. When we worked things out, he told me to start doing things on my own, get a life basically. When things started going great between us, he liked the way everything was.
So, after speaking with him, he said he was lonely for me, missed the time we just hung out with each other, was still in love with me, very happy, etc.
Last night after putting the kids to bed, we just cuddled on the couch and talked a bit, but mostly we were just there with each other, it was nice.
Part of me doesn't trust the reason he gave for wanting to spend more time with me, but I hope that will pass. I realize it's just coming from old memories pre-bomb and right after. What a strange trip it's been!!
