In desperate need of advice, separation looming!

[AnotherNightmare]

Sad09,

If I were in your position I would say that you understand that you made those decisions in the past, that you take full responsibility for your actions, that you were wrong to act like that, and that you apologize for your behavior. Other than that, actions speak louder than words. Work on yourself, keep the changes going and monitor what she notices.

It seems to me that there is still a lot of blaming going on. Blaming you helps her feel better, because it justifies her actions and her demands right now. But it is short-term, so do not really listen to what she is saying right now.

I think you pretty much said the right thing when she asked you to move out. Maybe you can say it in a slightly different way showing as much empathy as possible, e.g.:

"I understand you feel uncomfortable with me living in the same house. On the other hand, moving out would send the wrong message to our children. Let me suggest the following solution: ..."

I do not know what exactly is practical. Maybe you suggest something like spending weekends separately with the kids. You can take them out for play on weekend days. Whatever gives her the space she is asking for will work.

So I guess what I am saying is, acknowledge and respect her wishes and try to work with her, as long as it does not violate your boundaries (you need to establish and communicate those to her).

AN